The Rollercoaster we call Parenting

A few thoughts on what’s going on with my son and daughter.  My son is 2 1/2 years old, and his emotional state is as erratic as the phrase”terrible two’s” would lead you to expect.  I always tried to counter that phrase with the “terrific two’s,” before I had a two year old myself.  There is no denying that this is a tough time for kids and parents.  Having a little sister just complicates the situations for all of us. 

I will give you some examples of his baffling behavior that is absolutely about as frustrating as it gets, yet completely normal.  We will be playing on the main floor of our house, having a good time and then out of the blue he will start whining for no apparent reason.  About 20-30 seconds later, with no prompting, the whining will turn into a full blown tantrum… about nothing.  He will cry and shout that he wants to go downstairs.  So I will ask him if he would like to go downstairs and start heading that way and he will shout “NO!”  “UPSTAIRS!”  So then I will ask him if he wants to go upstairs and he will say “uh huh,” and I will start heading upstairs and he will shout “NO!”  “NOT UPSTAIRS!”  All the while bawling and screaming. 

Often he will create no-win situations for my wife and I.  He will ask for something, then when you get it he screams that he doesn’t want it.  Then when you put it away he screams and crys that he wants it.  And it will go on and on.  Sometimes for the most part of the day, or until we run out of patience and simply ignore his requests.  And then he will really get mad and scream even louder…

Another example is I will offer him some milk.  “Would you like some milk?,” I will say.  He then responds “Yes.”  So, I start heading toward the refrigerator and he will scream at the top of his lungs, “NO MILK.”  “NOOOOOO!!!”  “NOOO DADDY, NO MILK!!!”  So, I will say, “That’s fine, honey.  All you have to do is ask me in a calm voice.”  Then, after going into another room he will come wailing in and say “I WANT MILK!!!”  “MIIIILK!!!  Really.

He is also really into changing his mind lately.  You ask him a question and he will answer, then immediately change his mind and shout a different answer.  In order to break him of this, I devised a brilliant plan of going with his first response.  PERIOD.  Even though that causes an extended tantrum, I am trying to teach him that you can’t say one thing and then immediately take it back.  Doesn’t work.  It’s short-term pain (tantrums) for long-term gain (changed behavior).  Or, at least that’s the plan…

When he gets into these modes, there is literally nothing that will calm him down except time.  He will take the opposite stance NO MATTER what options you present him.  There is no logic to his behavior, just highly-charged emotion.  Up until recently, our son was a sweet, cute and amazingly well-behaved little boy.  Now, we get about 1 good day out of every 3.  The other 2 are contsant whining and crying and screaming affairs.  It’s exhausting.  But, the times he is sweet make up for it all.  That and the fact that we know this is just a temporary stage he is going through.  He will snap out of it soon, right?  (Say in about 25 years…) 

Our daughter, on the other hand, just turned 5 months old and she is a happy, sweet and cuddly little girl… for now.  She is so smiley and happy, it’s fantastic.  But, we know she will soon hit the 2 1/2 year mark as well. 

I certainly don’t want this post to come across as negative.  It’s just the a-b-c’s of having small kids.  It is fantastic, frustrating, tearful and joyful all at once.  And your emotions will be exercised each and every day.  I knew it would be like this before I had kids, but it was impossible to understand the depth of it all.  It’s like imagining how tired you will be if you don’t go to sleep for 2 solid days.  You can imagine it, but actually living it brings new meaning and intensity to the experience. 

Having said all of that, I want to make it clear that we wouldn’t have it any other way.  It just amazes me sometimes how we get anything done at all with small children.  I think back to the days before we had kids and realize that I didn’t have a clue about the chaos that was coming.  It’s to be expected, embraced.  But it isn’t always going to be a bed of roses like the movies and some parenting books like to portray.  Creating a strong, loving family is a notable achievement.  It’s far more difficult than most would believe.  Many (especially famous people in the public eye) have tried and failed miserably.  Yet, many others have succeeded beautifully.  Being a parent will test you and your patience, your character and your depth of selflessness like nothing else in the world. 

I hope that many of you are up for the challenge.  We need more good parents who take raising a family seriously.  Dadsworld.com will continue to promote loving, involved Dads.  That’s what our world needs more of, and we are here to show the way.