For this blog post, I want to share a little of my life philosophy with you.  I really believe that most people lead a very delusional life, believing things that are not true.  When given the chance (or asked to take the chance) of really finding out the truth, their low self-esteem prevents them from taking action.  I see it all the time. 

For example:  “Joe” thinks he is an excellent driver and would make a good race car driver.  He has never raced competitively, but he just feels like he would be good.  He lives his life thinking he IS good.  Rather than attend a racing school to hone his abilities, get his license, work on his skills and go racing, he avoids doing any of these things and is content with his delusion.

Another example: “Jim” thinks he is very tough and a good fighter.  He has never fought competitively, but thinks he is a bad dude.  Rather than getting involved in boxing, wrestling or MMA and working on himself, he is content to just believe he is tough.

Why don’t “Joe” and “Jim” take steps to work on themselves (personal development?)  Here is why:

1- It’s WORK.  It is not easy to undertake the task of improving oneself, unless you have supreme self-motivation and strong reasons. 

2- It would reveal their current inadequacies.  Most people have low self-esteem, and those people are afraid to accept the truth of where they are.  It is much easier (in their mind) to live in a fantasy world where they are already the greatest. 

Successful people all seem to exhibit one common trait– DRIVE.  They are obsessed with reaching their goal.  It is much better to work on oneself and continue to learn new things and improve.  My advice to others is to try new things with effort.  The more you learn, the more you CAN learn.  Also, the more you learn, the easier it is to learn new things as you will find relationships between skills and ideas. 

Don’t be afraid of mistakes or reality.  As Jim Rohn said, “Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills.”  IMPROVE yourself to the level you desire, don’t delude yourself by believing things that are not true.  Remember, discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.

If you do commit to learing and improve continuously, you will stand apart from others.  This is the path to success, NOT luck, chance or hope.  Self-improvement.

Why are most people not doing this?, why are they not constantly trying to improve and work on themselves?  Low self-esteem.  The determining factor on whether or not you will do this is how good you feel about yourself… self-image. 

Don’t do things that damage your self-image, like drinking too much alcohol, wasting large portions of time, doing drugs, committing crimes, etc.  Don’t do ANYTHING that you are not proud of, because over time it will errode your self-image and cause you to do less and less until eventually you PREFER the fantasy world you created over reality because it is easier, more comfortable and feels better. 

This is how a large number of people live their whole lives!  DON”T live this way.  It is not a fulfilling or successful life.

Be willing to make mistakes, take risks, do the right thing when it’s not popular.  Continue to challenge and push yourself.  Live a FULL life.  Be bold and go for it!  Don’t just EXIST as many people do, LIVE!  Fail your way to success.

If you have a good self-image and self-confidence, you will.  The more you learn and accomplish, the more you are willing to try new things and that leads to a better self-image.  It’s a snowball effect.

One lesson here is to encourage others.  Don’t tear others down for your own benefit or a power trip.  Deep down that won’t feel good to you (lowering your own self-image) and it hurts the other person as well.

As a parent (if you are one), you have an exceptionally important role in the lives of your kids.  It is your RESPONSIBILITY to raise children who are self-confident and willing to grow.  As Brian Tracy says, be sure to raise “Happy, healthy and self-confident children.”  We have the power as parents to influence our children’s feeling about themselves.  Don’t destroy them just to keep them down.  There are much better ways to raise children.  We NEED good parents desperately.

One good thing to try is to play out the observer bias scenario.  We tend to do things better, more thoroughly (different) when we believe we are being watched.  I used to ask myself if God, or my boss, or my parent (some significant authority figure) were to follow me around with a notepad all day for a week, and record everything I did, would I change my behvaior at all for that week?  If the answer is “yes,’  then ask yourself “why?”  Why am I not maximizing the time I have been given?

Often, I believe, it’s because we don’t really think we have a chance to achieve our dreams.  Only a select few of us do.  So we create a comfortable lifestyle where not too much is asked of us, and that begins the downward spiral of self-confidence.  So many people are nearly paralyzed with fear of failure and rejection.  Don’t let that be you.

I am encouraging you to go for it!  Start by evaluating where you are right now.  What are your present skills and abilities?  What is your present career and financial situation?  What is your present family life like?  etc.  Then, ask yourself what you really want.  What is your major definite purpose?  Why do you want that?  What are you going to have to work on to achieve it?  How long should it reasonably take?

Spend a little time thinking and evaluating your own life.  Don’t just drift along with the wind.  Design your life.  And help your kids design theirs.  Help them try new things, encourage them to pursue their dreams.  That’s how we create strong, successful people with self-confidence.

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1- The ability to Absorb what’s going on.  “Where ever you are, be there,” is one of his great quotes.  What he means is to take advantage of opportunites to learn and develop.  Soak it up, don’t miss anything.  He says to high school students to be sure to “get it while you are here.”  What you think about the information is up to you, and will probably change over time.  What you do with the information is also up to you, but while you are here be sure you get it.  You can’t do everything you know, but be sure to find out everything you can do.  Ignorance is NOT bliss. 

Another way to look at it is:  If you are on vacation, don’t worry about work!  If you are at work, don’t daydream about being on vacation.  Make the most of the time that you have, and become really good at paying attention to what’s going on in life. 

2- The second skill is the ability to respond.  Make a decision and take action.  Don’t let yourself suffer from paralysis by analysis.  Get going.  Life is brief, even at the longest so be a good decision maker and a person of action.  Spend major time with major people and on major things.  Spend minor time on minor things.  Don’t mix them up if you wish for success.  Most people who don’t get what they want major in minor things. 

Another good little saying is, “plan, do, review.”  Make a plan, take action and then review the results.  It’s amazing how many people don’t plan and are not decisive at taking action.

3-  The third ability is the ability to reflect.  Learn from your own mistakes and the mistakes of others.  PE and OPE are the best teachers.  Personal Experience and Other Peoples Experience.  Take some time at the end of each day to review how it went.  What did you accomplish?  Did you work toward your dreams today?  Take some time at the end of the week to do the same thing, then again each month and of course at the end of the year.  Are you on track or off track?  Become better at “mid-course corrections.” 

For example, Casino’s in Las Vegas work up financial statements several times a day.  They need to know what’s going on, are they on track or off track.  They can’t survive in that world without KNOWING what’s happening so they can make the appropriate changes.  You need to do the same thing.  You don’t have to work up a financial statement everyday, but at least a few times a year.  Keep strict accounts and know exactly where you are at any time. 

My favorite way to reflect is by writing in my journals.  I go over the days and weeks and months by writing down what I’m trying to do, and noting how I am going about it.  Then I can evaluate if it’s working or not, and hopefully make better decisions in the future based on this knowledge I’ve gained.  Use the past as a school, a school to teach you what went right and what went wrong.  Don’t (as many people do) use the past as a club, a club to beat yourself up with.  No regrets.  Move forward and continue to refine your plan.

Be sure to start this process (if you haven’t already) and prepare for a profitable 2009!  I am working on these abilities myself right now, and I plan on becoming even more focused and more efficient in the new year.

An example of this is the apple-a-day analogy he likes to use.  If an apple-a-day really lead to good health (which I’m sure it does), then why doesn’t everyone do it?  It’s pretty easy to eat an apple a day, they are plentiful and cheap.  So why doesn’t everyone eat one?  It’s easy NOT to do.  It really is that simple.  The difference between success and failure is not huge, it’s small things as easy as the apple-a-day.  The keys to becoming successful are easy to do.  The problem is that they are easy NOT to do as well. 

It’s very easy to make a few wrong decisions and slowly drift off track.  You wouldn’t let yourself be jolted way off track all at once, but you will (without even knowing it) let yourself be nudged off track, ever so slightly with bad choices.  Over time, you wind up a long way away from where you set out to go.  It’s like the frog in the boiling water story.  If you dropped a frog into boiling water, he would immediately jump out!  (If he survived.)  But if you put a frog in a pot of water and slowly heated it, he would stay there until he boiled to death.  You get the idea.

Many of us make these errors in judgement on a daily basis regarding our health, our weight, our family and our finances.  The problem is we don’t get immediate results for our actions.  The guy says I didn’t eat an apple today and tonight I’m not ill.  That’s a very short sighted and foolish philosophy.  Another bad philosophy is that I will eat 7 apples on Sunday and be o.k.  No, it’s consistency that counts.   An apple A DAY.  Everyday.  If we did get immediate results for our actions, we would change our behaviors in a hurry!

Just like being fit, and eating healthy.  I’m sure the contestents on the T.V. show The Biggest Loser would agree that they would never choose to be fat.  But they DID choose to be fat, over time with the compounding of their poor habits (errors in judgement repeated every day.) 

The good news is that to start a new discipline is easy.  Eat an apple.  Go for a walk around the block.  It really is that simple to make a change in your direction.  Every new discipline you start will also increase your self-confidence.  That’s a great benefit.  Every lack of doing your best errodes your confidence and self-worth, but every new discipline increases your self-confidence.  The worst thing you can do is to do less than your best.  That starts the disease of self-doubt and low self-esteem.  Pick a few new disciplines to start, and get going on making the changes in your life that you desire. 

Life is brief.  Whatever you are going to do, get at it.  The passing of time only takes us drifting, and you can’t drift your way to your goals or success.  Take action and start today.

Praise your children 5:1 over criticizing.  Most parents criticize 8:1 over positive feeback and praise. 

Learn patience.  This is a skill I work on everyday.  Having 2 young children with their own schedules and emotional swings will test your patience.  You owe it to them to be steady, calm and fair.  Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.  Combine a general lack of quality sleep with financial stress and throw in a misbehaving toddler and a crying baby, and you have a recipe for an angry outburst.  Don’t let it happen.  Become a student of your own tolerance and boiling points.  Discipline yourself to take it, and come back with a smile.  This is one of the hardest aspects of parenting.  PATIENCE.

Ignore advice from people who don’t have children.  They don’t know what they don’t know.

Live life every day to it’s fullest.  Never forget that you won’t ever get this time with your kids back.  Someday they will be living on their own.  You won’t get the years you are together as a family back, so make the most of them.  Life is brief, even at the longest.  Cherish your kids.

Create your family philosophy, and teach your kids what you stand for (and won’t stand for.)  Successful families are value driven.  They create clear-cut expectations, goals and roles for each member of the family. 

Put your family first.  In today’s society with television, ipods, personal computers and all the other influences, family togetherness often takes a back seat.  Make time to be together and communicate with each other.  Talk to any adult and they will most likely tell you their best memories growing up are times spent with their families. 

You are a role model for your children.  Be the kind of role model that teaches them to make responsible decisions, and accept responsibility for their actions.  This is perhaps the most important job of parenting. 

Learn about nutrition.  Your child’s energy level, fitness and performance in school and even their behavior is largely impacted by their nutrition.  Vitality is an important part of life!  Don’t forget about this point in regards to yourself as well.

Here is a list of goals for you, the parent:

Be strong, but not rude. 

Be bold, but not a bully. 

Be thoughtful, but not lazy. 

Think, but also act. 

Be kind, but not weak or a pushover. 

Be humble, but not timid. 

Be proud, but not arrogant. 

Be ambitious, but not greedy.

Here is some good advice I heard from Jim Rohn: “Be wary of what you become while in pursuit of what you want.  Never compromise your virtues.”

When starting a company, which I have done, it’s not all about talent.  It’s about work-ethic, philosophy, passion and belief. 

Sometimes you have to be desparate.  We have so much invested… that is good.

Paul Meyer’s mom told him “God wants you to be rich.  Promise me you won’t settle for money.”

Confidence and belief are more important that sales techniques.

As Zig Ziglar (who is a member of Dadsworld.com, by the way) said, “If you help enough other people get what they want, you can have everything you want.”

In these tough economic times, getting back to basics is the key.  Success is all about passion and desire.  Don’t settle for less than your goals.  Refuse to lose.  Energy, vitality, emotion.  Those traits will take you to your desired goals.  Jim Rohn said once, and I think it’s a great line, “Work on your gifts and they will make room for you.” 

Hard work, desire and an unrelenting determination WILL lead you to success.  We don’t always get to our desired destination the way we had planned, or in the time frame we imagined.  But, as Calvin Coolidge said, “Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”  Here is the full quote:     “Press on: nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance.  Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.  Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

When times are tough, and it seems like I have been getting nowhere, I often think of the following quote that I read somewhere when I was younger:  “In the battle between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins.  NOT through strength, but through persistence.”  Be like the stream.  Good and bad economic times both come and go, but your own personal direction, focus and effort should remain the same. 

And never forget, what follows expansions (2003-2005)??  Recessions.  (2006-2008)  What follows ressessions???? …… you guessed it…. Expansions.  Be prepared and be diligent and be persistent.  Right now is gut-check time.  Time to get back to basics and summon all of your passion and desire.  You can do it.  The world meets nobody halfway.  If you want it, you’ve got to take it.  Now go make it happen.

I don’t know why so many people are negative, cynical and hostile.  I do know that it’s no way to go through the miracle gift we have been given, LIFE.  The constant and never-ending improvement (CANI) idea is a good one.  Never stop learning, growing and discovering.  Be a good reader and thinker.  The immediate benefits are many, but the long-term effects are life-changing. 

Please don’t ever think that you know it all.  Nobody knows all there is to know about even 1 subject.  We all operate from a certain degree of ignorance.  It really is true that the more we learn, the more we realize that we don’t know.  Keep an open mind, every situation contains a lesson, every cause has an effect.  Everyone we meet is valuable and can be learned from.  People who think they know it all always live unfulfilling and shallow lives, whether or not they will admit it.  True peace of mind only comes from knowing we are doing all we can, and really learning and growing.  The essence of life is growth.

Another important concept is to be true to yourself.  Always and forever.  You know wrong vs right.  Regardless of what others do, say or think.  Here is what’s important: what YOU do, say and think.  Follow this philosophy and you can’t go wrong in the long run.

Opportunities to cheat, cram, lie, cut corners, be unfaithful, etc. WILL come along.  How you handle the situation is up to you.  How you handle the situation will determine the course of your life.  Please, do what is right.  You will be so glad you did.  There will be times when you question your own decisions, but believe me – short term gain is not worth long term pain.  As Jim Rohn said, “Discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.”

Remember, NOTHING worthwhile comes easily and quickly.  You can cram for a test, but then you didn’t really learn the material.  You will wish you had learned it sooner or later.  It’s best to do it right the first time. 

Here is a true example of personal power:  I was in Baltimore, Maryland a few years ago doing trainings for sales companies.  Between presentations, I was on my way to Landover and I was pulled over by a Maryland State Trooper.  I was going 75mph in a 65mph zone.  I was given a ticket for $72.  I learned a valuable lesson, keep it under 70!  While talking with the officer I was respectful, I did not make any excuses or argue in any way.  I WAS speeding.  I could have said that others were speeding too, that I was in a hurry to an appointment (which I was), that there wasn’t much traffic, etc.  But that wouldn’t have helped.  I have learned to pay full price for all that I want and do.  There are no free rides.  Self-responisbility is a great philosophy.  I wasn’t even discouraged.  Oh, sure I wish I didn’t get the ticket!  But after it was inevitable, I accepted it as a fact, and then started thinking about what a great day I was having, and how to maximize my next presentation, which turned out to be my best of the day!

Be committed to reach your potential and help everyone you meet along the way.  Like Og Mandino said, “Greet each day with Love in your heart.”  We need more of that philosophy going around these days.

I personally am striving to improve all the time, in many areas.  I feel it’s my responsibility to do so.  Since I have become a parent, I realize that I am a role model.  I have a huge influence over 2 other human beings who are watching virtually everything I do, and studying how I act and respond to nearly all situations.  They also take note of how I treat them and their mother.  This shapes their view of the world, their idea of right and wrong.  It’s a huge responsibility.

Patience is the most difficult skill for me to be consistent with.  As a parent, your patience will be tested as never before.  Teaching children about boundaries and consequences is exhausting.  They will test you and push you and then push you some more.  That’s how children learn about what’s acceptable behavior, and what’s not.  The key is to be firm yet loving.  Strong yet kind.  A leader but not a bully.  Nobody is perfect, and we have all seen examples in the real world of horrible parents treating their children badly.  But I feel I have done exceptionally well to this point.  That’s not to say I haven’t had my moments, but I exert a tremendous amount of effort to restrain my frustration during my children’s meltdowns, tantrums, cranky moods and whining fits.  Yet, even though I would give myself a good grade as a parent, the feeling of guilt when you react too harshly is very real. 

I was asked recently what I thought the most important aspects of being a parent were, so here is a list that means something to me:

Being the kind of role model my kids deserve is a challenge I take very seriously.  Be there for your kids, that’s number one.  Be the kind of person you would be proud of your kids turning out to be.  That’s number 2.  Create a loving family with clear expectations and consistent consequences for unacceptable behavior.  That’s number 3.  Encourage your children and be a positive influence on them.  That’s number 4.  Spend as much time with your family, being together, as you can.  That way you will really get to know your kids, and they will get to know you.  That’s number 5.  And finally, work on yourself as a person.  Work on your patience, your knowledge base, your vocabulary, your social skills and physical health.  Buy into the personal development mentality that says learning is a lifelong journey.  Don’t quit once you graduate from school.  Continue to grow and develop, that inspires people and will lead you to achieving more of what you are capable of.

As a parent, it’s even more important.  You ARE a role model.  Be a good one.

The thing that always struck me, no matter where I went, was the attitude of the people that somehow it’s better somewhere else.  Where people live at that specific time, is somehow inferior to other places.  EVERYWHERE I went people felt that way.  The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. 

To travel across the country and live in so many different areas, really helped me gain perspective on what life has to offer.  I appreciate each area for what it has.  Don’t spend time pining for something else.  As Jim Rohn used to say, “If you don’t like where you live… move!  Your not a tree!”  So many people are saving life up for some reason.  Waiting to really get started until some event takes place.  Before you know it, time has passed you by and you never did the things you were putting life off for.  Life is brief, even at the longest.  Whatever you desire to do, get at it.  “Don’t wind up,” as Jim Rohn said, “at the end of your life and find out that you only lived  1/10th of it.”

For me, traveling really put places, mental pictures and legends into a more realistic frame of reference.  When you haven’t been somewhere, you romanticize about how great it is.  It’s always better in your imagination than in reality.  Nothing is ever as good, or as bad as it seems.  The only constant in the world, is you.  Remember, the key to your successful life is YOU.  Not IT.  Don’t be one of those people who always blame outside circumstances for their current situation.  It’s not IT that’s the problem.  It’s us. 

When I look at a map, or hear about a news story in a certain part of the country, I have a good idea of what it’s like there.  I have a picture based on actual experience, not fantasy.  That really helps me not long for something else, something better that doesn’t exist.  Travel helped me stay grounded.

The 4 “if’s” that make Life Worthwhile:

1- If You Know.  You have to learn and discover new things.  Don’t be stupid.  Ignorance is NOT bliss.  You can’t always do everything you find out, but be sure to find out everything you can do.  Don’t wind up with trinkets instead of treasures.

2- If You Try.  That’s what life is all about.  See what you can do.  Give it a try.  If you don’t succeed, try again.  Try UNTIL…

3- If You Stay.  Stay for the challenge.  Stay for the complete cycle.  To accomplish anything you have to stay.  If you go to a game (sporting event), you’ve got to stay until it’s over.  That’s called sophistication.  If you are playing, you can’t leave until it’s over, come on.  Stay and support the team until it’s over.  What do the players think when they are behind and everyone starts leaving?  Why do people leave early? To beat traffic?  What a great skill that is.  To beat traffic.  Come on.  A fan supports their team, win or lose.

4- If You Care.  If you care at all you will get some results.  If you care enough you will get extraordinary results.  As Zig Ziglar said, people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  Apathy is far too prevailant these days.  Care about something.

 It’s amazing to me how big snowboarding has become.  I started snowboarding myself in 1981, and was the 2nd person to board at a ski resort.  Timberline was the first ski resort in Oregon to allow snowboarding, before 1981 it was purely a backcountry sport. 

My first board was a Burton Performer.  It had a wood base and a dove-tail.  It was black and red with the Burton Mountain logo.  I really liked that board.  I then moved up to a Performer Elite, it had a P-tex base.  The first snowboard to offer that feature.  I am really dating myself now!  After the Elite I had a Cruiser, then a Safari, then an M6.  All Burton.  At the time when I started, Burton and Simms were your only choices.  Eventually K2 started making boards, then Gnu, Morrow, etc.  The mid 1990’s saw the industry explode with new manufacturers.  I am loyal to Burton and will continue to stick with them when it comes to snowboarding.  They make great stuff.   

When I used to really be into boarding, I was the only one on the hill.  Eventually there were a handful of boarders, but real acceptance of the sport didn’t happen until the mid 1990’s.  Now, there are as many boarders as skiers. 

I used to switch between skiing and boarding every time I went up to the mountain.  I couldn’t give up either one, as they both are really fun.  I did that for many years.  Over the past 3 years though, I have been skiing exclusively.  I will get back into boarding at some point I’m sure, but right now I am really enjoying my new Volkl AC4 skis.  They are dynamite!  It’s hard to give up the sticks.

I was thinking that I rarely spend more than a few hours away from my wife and son, and it’s only when I go to the mountain that I am gone for 6-8 hours at once.  I don’t like being away from them and schedule my life so that I am with them most of the time everyday. 

I am excited for the day that I take my own son to the mountain and teach him how to ski and board.  So many good memories are made doing things together as a family.  Those are special times, so don’t miss out.  As Jim Rohn said, “Live your life.  Live everyday to it’s fullest.  You don’t want to look back on your life someday and find out you only lived one tenth of it.”