Squabbling Siblings

Here is an article from the National Fatherhood Initiative:

“Do you feel like life is one constant battle, complete with hair-pulling, name-calling, and “but Daaaaaad, she hit me first!!”…? We’ve got your guide to settling sibling squables and keeping the peace in your house. 

Set Firm Rules and Clear Expectations. Whether you have one child or five, if your kids know the rules and know what is expected from them, they definitely won’t behave perfectly, but you will be able to point to clear, known standards. This will keep things fair and help you to show your children that that is your goal. Also, clear rules allow you to teach your kids your values and what is important to your family.  

Get To Know Each Child.Your kids can sense if you have favorites and may act out accordingly. You may find yourself gravitating to one child who has similar interests. Or maybe you are avoiding time with your daughter because you’re just not sure how to relate to her. But, it is essential that you get to know each of your children – who they are, how they feel about different things, their interests, etc. This will also help you know how best to guide them as they grow.  

Create Space. Sometimes, everyone just needs a little space. Give your children separate chores or take some out with you on an errand while everyone else stays home. Yes, it is important that you kids learn to work together, but sometimes a little space helps everyone calm down. 

Don’t Try To Solve Everything. One of the great things about having siblings is it provides an opportunity for your kids to learn communication and conflict resolution. As your children get older – late elementary school and beyond – encourage them to work out their own grievances. Equip them with basic communications skills, help guide and facilitate conversations, but don’t always jump to fix it.  

With a little patience (okay, maybe a lot) and regular deep breaths, you can keep the peace in your house and help your kids work towards healthy relationships with their siblings.”

My wife and I have a 3 1/2 year old son and a 1 1/2 year old daughter.  They fight what seems like 60% of the time.  As a parent, all you want is for them to get along and play quietly together.  (Nice dream.)  But, having an older brother myself, I know that blissful idea is not reality.  Having patience and the ability to control your emotions is paramount. 

Just remember the last paragraph in the article — you can’t and shouldn’t try to solve everything.  Kids need to learn the art of negotiation and getting along, by themselves.

I hope this helps, at least know this:  you are not alone!  That just might be the silver lining that preserves your sanity. 

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Have a great day!