Personal development and parenting

Today was an absolutely beautiful day to spend at the ski lake.  We met my parents and my brother and his two children at the ski lake this morning, and had a great time.  My son would be happy to throw rocks in the water for hours, although we also played catch, kicked a soccer ball around and I skied 2 sets on the slalom course.  A great time was had by all.

My son has been doing very well with his little sister lately, being much more gentle with her and kind to her.  I hope this trend continues.  

We did have an issue with him at our local restaurant the other day.  My wife and I took our 2 children and walked to one of our favorite restaurants and sat down.  He saw a menu with a picture of a green drink and started yelling that he wanted “the green drink!”  He would not stop going on about it, being whiny, loud and finally throwing an all out tantrum.  I took him outside to talk about better choices of behavior, and he calmed down.  When I took him back in, he immediately started in with the “I want the green drink” tirade (going from 0-100 instantly, crying, yelling and whining), so we apologized to our waitress and left.  We walked home and made sandwiches for lunch.  That is the first time we have ever had to leave a public place because of his behavior.  He was very quiet on the walk home, not saying a word, but sulking and cuddling with his blanket.  He knew his behavior was inappropriate, and removing him from the situation saved ourselves and the other diners a lot of frustration. 

It’s amazing how such a loving, sweet and fun little toddler can turn into a  monster in a matter of moments.  It’s impossible to describe the frustration and outright anger that you feel as a parent at times.  Both my wife and I pride ourselves on being  very patient people, and both of us had a lot of experience with kids prior to having our own.  But they do have an uncanny ability to push your hot buttons.  Practicing patience, cooling off, and being able to change the tone of the situation are crucial parts of parenting.  My wife and I are both there for each other too, which is one of the many benefits of involved parents.  It doesn’t happen very often, but once in a while she (or I) will need to take a break.  The end of the rope has been reached.  That’s when it’s vital to have someone else take over the parenting responsibilites for a few minutes.

When you take a look at the statistics page on www.dadsworld.com it comes as no suprise that young (teenage) parents have real troubles raising healthy, well-adjusted children.  I think of the life experiences my wife and I had, at age 36, before having our first child.  I remember all of the tough situations we have been through in life, our level of self-discipline and maturity.  And yet I still get frustrated at times, need to go cool off and work on my own patience when it comes to dealing with an out of control or unruly child.  What chance do young, inexperienced parents who haven’t had many life experiences themeselves have to deal with difficult situations correctly?  Not a good one.  The stats prove it.

Parenting will test you, make no mistake.  But if you keep doing your best, stay connected and really love your family, you will do fine.  Three things are really important to me: Family, Friends and Love.  Those are the things that make life worthwhile to me, the real values in this world.  All of those have “dark” sides and pitfalls.  Do your best to avoid the negative, and live in the positive.  You do that by working on yourself.  Improving your own skills in dealing with crying toddlers (for example), expanding your own level of tolerance and patience.  Learn how to act kind and stay focused in the face of extreme stress and anxiety. 

An analogy I used to use is to picture a woman in a beautiful flowing white dress.  She goes to a coal mine for a tour.  She spends several hours walking through the tight confines of this coal mine while trying not to get dirty.  When she comes out of the mine at the end of the tour, is her dress still as clean and beautiful as it was when she went in?  No.  Our surroundings do affect us, no matter how hard we try not to let them.  Negativity rubs off on us.  So does positive influence. 

Be aware of how you are affected, and how you are coming across to others.  Self-awareness and self-improvement are keys to success in most things, especially parenting.

Read, learn, observe and improve.  This will help you deal with tough situations and minimize your own frustration and anxiety.  As a parent, especially one who is highly involved, you will have your ups and downs, don’t kid yourself.  The goal is to maximize the ups, and minimize the downs.  And that is very achievable.