By MICHAEL MURRAY

Dads play roughhousing with their young children is crucially important in the early development of kids, according to a study by Australian researchers. Maybe the best gift is simply for kids to play with their dads.

“We know quite a lot about how important fathers are in general for a child’s development. Over the last decade, for example, that it’s mainly mother that interacts with children and that’s how they develop, and that’s the important bit, that’s changed. We know fathers are important,” Richard Fletcher, the leader of the Fathers and Families Research Program at the University of Newcastle in Australia, told ABC News.

“Father’s Day reminds us parents that we have no more solemn obligation than to care for our children,” President Barack Obama said Wednesday in calling for fathers to be more involved with their children. “But far too many young people in America grow up without their dads, and our families and communities are challenged as a result.”

The percentage of fathers who live seperately from their children has doubled in the past 50 years, but dads also tend to spend more than twice the amount of time with their children than they did in the 1960’s, according to a study released Wednesday by the Pew Research Center.

Australian researchers watched film of 30 dads while they roughhoused with their children, usually through a game where the child would try to remove a sock from their father’s foot, to see what effect it might have on children.

“Rough and tumble play between fathers and their young children is part of their development, shaping their children’s brain so that their children develop the ability to manage emotions and thinking and physical action altogether,” said Fletcher. “This is a key developmental stage for children in that preschool area between the ages of about two and a half and five. That’s when children learn to put all those things together.”

Although boys were more likely to encourage the start of roughhousing with their dads, researchers did not see a significant difference between boys and girls once the play started. But for the kids, it’s not just play.

“When you look at fathers and their young children playing, you can see that for the child, it’s not just a game. They obviously enjoy it and they’re giggling, we know that’s true, but when you watch the video, you can see that child is concentrating really hard … I think the excitement is related to the achievement that’s involved,” Fletcher told ABC News. “It’s not about a spoiled child not wanting to lose, I think that child is really striving for the achievement of succeeding.”

The researchers believe that the most important aspect of this play is that it gives children a sense of achievement when they ‘defeat’ a more powerful adult, building their self-confidence and concentration. However, fathers who resist their children, can also teach them the life lesson that, in life, you don’t always win. The act of a stronger adult holding back that strength also helps to build trust between father and child.

These kinds of lessons can be crucial in child developmental stages as they begin to build their outlook on the world. “We think it has implications for children’s resilience. So, if parents want their children to grow up and not get into drugs and not get into trouble, if they want them to do well academically, than this is probably a good thing to do,” said Fletcher. “We did find a correlation so that the dad’s whose play was much better coordinated according to our measures, those children had less problems.”

Fletcher admits that more research needs to be done, but he is hopeful that his team will eventually be able to help fathers know how to best interact with their child in their formative periods to ensure them a successful future. “It’s a new area, but we’re excited about the possibilities,” said Fletcher.

8 Discipline Mistakes Parents Make

Big discipline mistakes you might be making (and how to fix them).

By Amanda May

You know the drill: You give your child an ultimatum — “Get dressed or we’re staying home!” — and naturally she says, “Okay, we’ll stay home!” Might as well plant a big “L” on your forehead. We all see our discipline efforts backfire on occasion (hey, you’re tired!), and of course there are those battles just not worth fighting (no kid ever flunked preschool because his teeth were furry). But you do need to prove you’re the parent at least some of the time. Learning to avoid these discipline land mines can help you hop to it.

Way to Blow It #1: Tell a Big Ole Lie

“My two-year-old daughter, Chloe, fights me about going to her babysitter’s house every Monday,” says New Jersey mom Gina Kane. One morning when Chloe refused to get out of the car, “I pointed to the house next door and told her it was a daycare center run by the caveman from the Geico commercials, which really scare her,” says Kane. “I said she had a choice: Go to the sitter’s house or to the caveman’s daycare.” Mission accomplished — Chloe dashed to the sitter’s door. Fast-forward a week: The babysitter casually asked Kane if she knew of a daycare center in the neighborhood because her daughter couldn’t stop talking about it. “I was mortified having to explain, and Chloe now thinks that all daycare centers are run by cavemen,” Kane admits. “I’m in big trouble if I ever actually have to send her to daycare.”

A Better Way: Little white lies are so tempting in a pinch. You might even get away with them sometimes. Another mom had a great run while her toddler was afraid of a local clown named Macaroni. Whenever he refused to cooperate, she’d just say, “Maybe we should get Macaroni!” and the little guy would immediately don his pj’s or gobble his carrots. But as Kane found out, scare tactics can and do come back to bite you in the butt, so it’s best to be honest, says Bonnie Maslin, author of Picking Your Battles. Kane could have said instead, “I know sometimes you don’t want to go to your babysitter. Sometimes I don’t want to go to work.” Empathizing would have made the Monday-morning transition easier.

Way to Blow It #2: Back Down

You want a surefire way to make sure your kids never listen to you? Threaten but don’t act. My daughter Ella and I recently went for a playdate at a friend’s house, where the little girl kept snatching away whatever toy Ella picked up. Her mom would say, “Give that back to Ella or I’ll take it away,” and then turn back to our conversation. Of course, as soon as Ella moved on to another toy, the little girl wanted that one.

A Better Way: It’s no fun to be the bad guy, but if a child acts out, there has to be a consequence. “Repeatedly saying ‘If you don’t stop throwing sand, I’m going to make you leave the sandbox’ won’t stop the bad behavior,” says Bridget Barnes, coauthor of Common Sense Parenting for Toddlers and Preschoolers. “What your child hears is ‘I can keep doing this a few more times before Mom makes me stop.’”

Instead, give a warning, and then, if your child does it again, give an immediate consequence such as a time-out. If he continues, leave. The next time, a gentle reminder should do the trick: “Remember how we had to leave when you threw the sand? I hope we don’t have to go home early again today.”

Way to Blow It #3: Dis Dad (or Vice Versa)

When Polly Lugosi and her husband, Jim, take their two kids, Zoe, 5, and Miles, 2, out for a treat, this Milwaukie, OR, couple tells them that they have to behave or they won’t get it. “Unfortunately, my husband is a complete pushover and always gives them the treat even if they act up,” says Polly.

A Better Way: Even though Jim doesn’t mean to undermine Polly’s efforts, that’s exactly what he’s doing. Showing a united front won’t just help your child behave better, it’ll also prevent you from feeling like the bad guy all the time. “If you and your husband prefer to use different punishments, that’s okay — just as long as there are consequences for the same actions,” says Nancy Schulman, coauthor of Practical Wisdom for Parents: Demystifying the Preschool Years. When your child is out of earshot, create a list of rules and discuss different options, she says.

Way to Blow It #4: Bribe a Little Too Often

“My two-year-old daughter, Isabelle, has never been a great eater,” says Liz Samuel, a mom in Montclair, NJ. “So I once offered her a piece of chocolate if she would just finish her lunch.” The reward worked perfectly: Isabelle ate her chicken and sweet-potato fries — but then she demanded another treat at dinnertime. “Now, whenever I want her to eat, she asks for either chocolate or a lollipop,” complains the mom. “Plus, she’ll eat just one fry and then expect her treat.”

A Better Way: We all need to keep a good bribe up our sleeves — to get through the grocery store, a church service, or that new episode of Mad Men you had to TiVo because you were too whipped to stay up for it. But the experts insist that reinforcing good behavior is a better way to go. “So instead of saying ‘If you’re good at Grandma’s today, I’ll buy you a toy,’ try ‘I’m really proud of you for sitting so nicely during dinner at Grandma’s,’” advises Maslin. And don’t underestimate the power of disappointment. “Saying ‘I’m really sad you broke the present Daddy gave me’ makes a child feel appropriately bad about his behavior,” says Maslin. “You may feel like a terrible parent in the moment, but you’re actually helping your child develop a conscience.”

Way to Blow It #5: Break Your Own Rules

When Anne Wear’s 2-year-old son, Brandon, would do things he shouldn’t — take his mom’s car keys or pull books off the shelf, for example — this High Point, NC, mom would slap his hand and say “No, sir!” in a harsh tone of voice. “It worked great,” she says, “until his preschool teacher caught him slapping the hands of any child who took his toy or cut in front of him in line!” Wear quickly realized that she couldn’t say it was wrong for Brandon to smack his friends’ hands when she and her husband, Brian, were doing the same thing to him. “We switched to time-outs,” says Wear.

A Better Way: Not only are kids little mimics, emulating your bad behaviors, but they’ll call you on it, as Suzi Dougherty found out. Her 2-year-old, Will, knows that throwing toys in the house is a definite no-no. “But one day my husband, Chris, threw a dog toy into the next room, just to get it out from underfoot,” says this Newburgh, NY, mom. “Will immediately ordered him into a time-out! Since then, we try to be more careful and follow our own rules,” she says. “But on the plus side, at least it showed us that the ‘no throwing toys’ rule is starting to sink in!”

Way to Blow It #6: Lose It

Taking care of an active toddler requires a lot of patience. But there are times when Gabrielle Howe of Staten Island, NY, finds herself at the end of her rope when dealing with 2-year-old Thea. “One particularly trying day I completely lost it and yelled at Thea,” admits this working mom. “She then tried to send me to my room!”

A Better Way: Time-outs aren’t just for kids — they work great for adults, too. “Give yourself permission to walk away,” says Schulman. “Take a deep breath, count to ten, and then you’ll be much more effective when disciplining your child.” Walk into another room if you need to, as long as your child is safe in his crib or a childproofed room. “If you can’t leave your child alone, then you should both go into another room,” she adds. “Often a change of scenery will help you both cool off.” If your husband or a friend is around, just say “I need a break, can you handle this one?” suggests Schulman. And remember that kids are expert at pushing your buttons, but if you can avoid letting the situation escalate by giving one warning and then an immediate consequence, it may help keep you both calm.

Way to Blow It #7: Wait Too Long

Recently I was stuck in traffic with my 2-year-old daughter, Ella, when she started getting fidgety and tried to wiggle out of her car seat. Frustrated by both the slow trip home and the endless rounds of “Row, row, row your boat,” I told her that if she didn’t put her buckle back on correctly, she wouldn’t get to have a bedtime story that night — a technique that works great when my daughter’s procrastinating about getting into her pajamas or brushing her teeth before bed. This time, though, bedtime was hours away — and the threat pretty much meaningless. Ella didn’t stop playing with her seat buckle, and it seemed pointless to remind her about it hours later when she was getting ready for bed.

A Better Way: “Kids don’t remember what they did wrong an hour after the fact, never mind the next day,” says Barnes. “You want to show them the consequences of their actions as close to the bad behavior as possible.” If your child hits a friend with a toy truck, don’t cancel tomorrow’s playdate — just take away the truck.

Way to Blow It #8: Talk On… and On… and On

My husband, Patrick, tends to launch into long explanations with Ella, like how going to sleep is a good idea because she’ll feel well rested for our upcoming busy day at Grandma’s house. Tempting as it can be to try and reason with a young child, you might as well be speaking gibberish.

A Better Way: “Kids are not mini-adults,” says Barnes. “Long explanations or instructions go right over their heads.” Saying “No cookies before dinner” is enough to get the point across; you can skip the lecture about how sweets will spoil a tiny appetite. Keep your words age-appropriate, too. “I had one parent who was tired of always telling his son to stop whining,” says Barnes. “Then one day his child finally asked, ‘What’s whining?’” It’s okay to use a term like whining as long as you explain what you mean: “I can’t understand you when you whine. Please use your big-boy voice.”

Getting Back on Track

You gave a warning, then caved in. Or you yelled at your kid- for yelling at you. Below, how to fix your own bad behavior, from Nancy Schulman, coauthor of Practical Wisdom for Parents.

Get Over It “We all make mistakes,” says Schulman. “Don’t beat yourself up. Just say ‘I know I said — or did — something I shouldn’t have. Let’s try to all follow these rules from now on.’”
Take it Slow Even if you feel like your discipline techniques need to be completely overhauled, pick two of your top issues and start there. Don’t overwhelm your child with 20 new rules. “Sit down when he’s calm and go over the rules so he knows what’s expected of him,” says Schulman.
Work Around It Let’s say your child always has a tantrum over what to eat for breakfast. Rather than duke it out each morning, offer your child just two choices — say, cereal or eggs — so he can still feel in control.
Give it Time “It takes time to undo a pattern of bad behavior,” notes Schulman. “If you start being consistent, they’ll catch on. It may take ten or twenty times, but they’ll get it.”

Tags: child, children, dad, dads, discipline, mom, moms, parent, parenting tips

Nutrition For Families

By Kristin Wood

It’s hard to find time and energy to make nutritious meals for your family. Between working full time, and/or squeezing in kids’ sports, your own workouts, and the other errands that are a part of life, it’s tough to put a great meal on the table. And, we need to make 21 of those meals a week (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), a hurdle that many of us struggle with on a regular basis.

Yet it has never been more important. According to the American Society of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, some 16 to 33 percent of children and adolescents are obese. Obesity is among the easiest medical conditions to recognize, but most difficult to treat. Unhealthy weight gain due to poor diet and lack of exercise is responsible for over some 300,000 deaths each year. The problem often continues later in life, too; doctors frequently warn us that overweight children are much more likely to become overweight adults unless they adopt and maintain healthier patterns of eating and exercise.

Nutrition for Families
Make healthy nutrition a lifestyle and be a good example to your children! If you’re not sure where to start, keep reading for some helpful tips.

Breakfast
We all have been told that eating breakfast is really important. But why?

According to the Mayo Clinic, a healthy breakfast refuels your body and replenishes your blood sugar (glucose), giving you the energy necessary to start a new day. In addition, a growing body of evidence indicates that breakfast is good for both your physical and mental health. Studies show that people who eat breakfast – especially a healthy breakfast – are more likely to consume more vitamins and minerals and less fat and cholesterol during the day, have better concentration and be more productive throughout the morning, control their weight, have more strength and endurance, and lower cholesterol, which reduces the risk of heart disease.

While eating breakfast is important for all ages, breakfast is especially important for children and adolescents. According to the American Dietetic Association, children who eat break-fast are more likely to have better concentration, problem-solving skills and eye-hand coordination. They may also be more alert and creative, and less likely to miss days of school.

There are many ways to give your kids a healthy, quick breakfast, but some of them require planning ahead of time. Here are some helpful ideas:

Boil eggs by the dozen and put them back in the egg carton (marked with an ‘H’ so you know they’ve been hard-boiled). Give your kids 1-3 of these in the morning, depending on their age, with apple slices. Kids love to peel the eggs and can eat them easily as finger food.

Give them a bowl of low-sugar cereal (Cheerios, Life, Chex are several options) with a protein shake to drink. They could have ‘chocolate milk’ with a scoop of protein powder added to 8 ounces of milk. The added protein gives them an extra boost to start their day.

Make a giant smoothie for all of you to share. Mix low-fat yogurt, blueberries, strawberries and/or raspberries with half a banana, 12 ounces of water, and 2 scoops of vanilla or banana protein powder. Add ice, if desired. This breakfast can be eaten on the go and is loaded with great nutrition.

Simple Snack Ideas
Here are a few ideas for healthy snacks for you and your kids!

Spread celery sticks with peanut butter or low-fat cream cheese. Top with raisins. Enjoy your ‘ants on a log.’

Mix together ready-to-eat cereal and lightly salted nuts in a sandwich bag for an on-the-go snack.

Top low-fat vanilla yogurt with crunchy granola and sprinkle with blueberries.

Put cubes of low-fat cheese and grapes on pretzels.

Toast a whole grain waffle and top with lowfat yogurt and sliced peaches.

Spread peanut butter on apple slices.

Blend low-fat milk, a scoop of banana protein powder, frozen strawberries and a banana for 30 seconds for a delicious smoothie.

Make a mini-sandwich with tuna or egg salad on crackers.

Sprinkle grated Monterey Jack cheese over a corn tortilla; fold in half and microwave for 20 seconds. Top with salsa.

Dip baby carrots and cherry tomatoes in low-fat ranch dressing.

Inside-Out Sandwich: Spread mustard on a slice of deli turkey. Wrap around a sesame breadstick.

Don’t Forget Dessert!
In a perfect world, it would be a weekly treat with most dinners being nutritious and filling enough to satiate the whole family. But, sometimes fighting that battle isn’t worth it, so here are some ways you can offer your family more healthy desserts:

Dip strawberries or apple slices in low-fat yogurt.

Dip graham crackers in applesauce.

Dip animal crackers in low-fat pudding.

Dip mini-toaster waffles in cinnamon applesauce.

Fill a waffle cone with cut-up fruit and top with low-fat vanilla yogurt.

Break a graham cracker into bite-size pieces. Add to low-fat chocolate pudding along with a few miniature marshmallows.

Layer vanilla yogurt and mandarin oranges or blueberries in a tall glass. Top with granola. MS&F

Vital Nutrition
Carbohydrate: Carbohydrates are the body’s main source of fuel. Carbohydrates are mainly found in starchy foods (like grain and potatoes), fruits and vegetables. Other foods like yogurt, milk, beans, nuts, seeds and cottage cheese contain carbohydrates, but they also contain protein. According to the Dietary Reference Intakes published by the USDA, 45 percent to 65 percent of calories should come from carbohydrates.

Protein: Protein is necessary for growth. Protein is made up of amino acids that build strong muscles. Complete protein can be found in meats, poultry, protein powders and fish. The USDA recommends that 10 percent to 35 percent of calories should come from protein.

Fat: Fat is found in meat, poultry, nuts, milk products, butters and margarines, and oils. There are three main types of fat: saturated fat, unsaturated fat, and trans fat. Saturated fat (found in foods like meat, butter and cream) and trans fats (found in baked goods, snack foods, fried foods) have been shown to increase the risk of heart disease and should be avoided. Unsaturated or ‘healthy’ fats are found in foods like olive oil, nuts and canola oil. These fats have been shown to decrease the risk of developing heart disease. The USDA recommends that 20 percent to 35 percent of calories should come from unsaturated fats.

Back To School Nutrition

By: Jensy Scarola, Outreach Director for Fit & Healthy Schools

If you were graded for your efforts in helping your children eat right, what kind of score would you get? Here are some helpful tips to help your children reach the head of the class.

As the new school year is approaching fast, students are getting ready to challenge themselves to a higher level. Parents are buying schools supplies and organizing their busy schedules. All of these tasks require a lot of energy. If we are not properly fueled by eating healthy balanced meals, grades will suffer, job performance will decline and attendance will be scarce. How will we do this year on our Nutrition Report Card?

First things first, we must start our school day off right. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, for your children too, and for good reason.  Many studies have found a strong relationship between eating breakfast and learning ability, attention span, and general well-being.  Children who regularly eat breakfast think faster, clearer, solve problems more easily, and are less likely to be irritable, according to the American Dietetic Association. Kids have excuses for not eating breakfast, such as “I don’t have time,” “I am not hungry,” and “I don’t like breakfast foods.” The important thing to do is to find something healthy they do like. With all the studies conducted on this subject, the evidence points to a healthier life and overall general well-being if we eat breakfast.

Some examples of breakfast foods that are healthy and quick and easy to make are fiber rich muffins, low fat yogurt with granola, English muffin with natural peanut butter, scrambled egg whites, protein shake, fruit smoothie and high fiber cereal with skim milk. Some school cafeterias offer breakfast, which can be advantageous to a busy student who doesn’t have the time at home to grab a bite to eat at home. If students skip breakfast, researchers have found that the lack of breakfast or drop in blood sugar levels will cause problems for students later in the morning such as less ability to reach solutions and conclusions. So, start your day off right by boosting your metabolism and getting your brain functioning by eating a healthy vitamin-enriched meal in the morning.

In a perfect world, many nutritionists would like to see students eating six small balanced meals throughout the day. In many instances for students, this will not do. Schedules are crammed from the beginning of the school day until lunch so eating a small meal between breakfast and lunch may not be feasible. In this instance, it is of utmost importance to eat breakfast like a king. Make sure you are eating a meal rich in protein and fiber to keep your blood sugar levels steady. If you are able to eat a small meal, pack a low sugar granola bar, protein shake, trail mix or piece of fruit in your bag to keep your energy levels up until lunchtime.

When the bell rings for lunch, many students are off to pick up lunch at the school’s cafeteria. School districts across the country have been taking steps to make food in schools healthier because of new federal guidelines and awareness that a growing number of children are overweight. It is important to encourage your children to make a healthy choice as this affects how they perform the rest of the day.

An alternative to eating in the cafeteria may be bringing a “brown bag lunch.” For safety’s sake, keeping your lunch cold until lunchtime is essential. You can do this by packing a reusable ice pack, or try packing a small water bottle or 100 percent juice box that has been frozen. Some examples of healthy lunches that are portable include peanut butter/jelly sandwich on whole grain bread, turkey or chicken sandwich and salads. Be sure to pack some fruits and vegetables such as carrot sticks, celery, apples and bananas.

When school lets out for the day, many students participate in extracurricular activities and sports. It is vital to eat a small meal consisting of carbohydrates and protein to fuel the body for the chosen activity. Some examples of this might be an energy bar, yogurt, or a small serving of whole grain pretzels, protein shakes, rice cakes or soy crisps. It also important to keep hydrated by drinking water before, during and after exercise.

So far, so good on scoring high marks on that report card. Dinner poses a problem for many busy families these days. Both parents are typically working and have little time to prepare a well-balanced meal. This is where planning is important. Grill several ounces of  lean protein and freeze half. Use your slow cooker – turn it on in the morning and when you get home – dinner will be ready! Or, throw together a protein rich, veggie-filled salad!

All in all, there are several ways you can grade your kids on their nutrition report card. Be sure they are getting about 0.5 grams of protein for every pound they weigh. That’s a gram for every 2 pounds  they weigh. Children older than 6 years should have 3-5 servings of vegetables and 2-4 servings of fruits per day. Also, whole grains are essential to a child’s diet – that’s their fuel! Children should be getting at least 5 servings of whole grains per day. And, last but not least, let’s not forget dairy to build those strong healthy bones. It is recommended children have 3 servings a day of dairy products each day.

Following these guidelines will ensure a fit and healthy kid and lay the groundwork for a life of healthy living for many years to come! Now let’s make the grade!

For more information about how to get your family moving and eating right log onto www.fitnhealthyschools.org . Our non-profit is committed to building Fit & Healthy Schools across the nation. Our national nutrition partner is Max Muscle Sports Nutrition, so next time you are in the store ask for more information about having one of our Certified Nutrition Coaches come talk to your school!