Learn what kinds of peer pressure teens face, who’s most vulnerable, and how to help your son or daughter resist.

By Elizabeth Heubeck
Reviewed by Varnada Karriem, MD

Remember when your teenager took her first steps as a toddler? You hovered behind her — back bent, arms spread — prepared to catch her should she fall. Much as you might like, you can’t shadow your adolescent as you did back then, being there to break her fall when she missteps.

But, say experts, there are steps you can take to support your adolescent in the face of teen peer pressure. Follow them and you’ll rest easier when your teen heads out of the house on a Friday night.

Teen Peer Pressure: What’s Being Pushed?

So, just what high-risk behaviors might your adolescent feel pressured to engage in? Plenty, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which periodically conducts surveys on health-risk behaviors among youth. The latest survey results indicate that teen peer pressure is real. Many adolescents are engaging in behaviors that place their health at risk — including cigarette smoking, alcohol consumption, illegal drug use and sexual activity. And in all likelihood, their peers are pushing them to try these behaviors.

Here are some of the survey’s findings.

Smoking. By the time adolescents are just 13, one in five has tried smoking. Close to 25% of high school students smoke cigarettes.

Alcohol use. Two-thirds of teens between the ages of 14 and 17 have tried alcohol. Of teen boys who have tried alcohol, 20% did so by the time they were 12. Episodic, or binge drinking, is also fairly common. Of the adolescents aged 12 to 17, one in four said they’d had five or more drinks consecutively within the past month. Almost a quarter of drinkers aged 16 to 21 admitted to driving after drinking.

Drug use. Slightly more than 25% of adolescents aged 14 to 17 have used illegal drugs. One-third of young adult marijuana users aged 18 to 21 started using the drug by the time they turned 14.

Sex. About one in every three kids aged 14 to 15 has had sexual intercourse. Of sexually active teens, almost 30% used no birth control during their last sexual encounter.

Well-documented risky behaviors aren’t the only ones teens may feel pressure to try. Health professionals who work with adolescents report other equally troubling behaviors that may not be as common, but are, nonetheless, on the rise. And they point to teen peer pressure as a culprit.

Consider teens’ ardent attempts to emulate unrealistic body ideals. “There’s a lot of peer pressure to have your body look a very specific way,” says Lauren Solotar, PhD, chief psychologist at May Institute in Massachusetts. While the desire to look “fit and thin” is more pronounced among girls, she notes that many boys as young as middle-school age are on the quest for “six-pack” abs. “It’s scary, all the push and the pressure,” Solotar says.

Intentional self-injury, in some instances provoked by teen peer pressure, is also on the rise. “It’s a method of coping with difficult emotions,” says Alec L. Miller, PsyD, chief of Child and Adolescent Psychology at Montefiore Medical Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York. “There seem to be some peers who are engaging in this behavior [slashing their arms], and persuading others to try it.” For example, a survey conducted at Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School in Massachusetts during the 2004-05 school year, based on the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey, revealed that 20% of high school students had intentionally hurt themselves within the past year.

Identifying Vulnerable Teens

When it comes to determining who will succumb easily to teen peer pressure, there’s no single profile.

Some experts say those who are socially adrift are the most likely candidates. “Teens who are prone to social isolation, and have less of a cohesive sense of self, will do things to feel connected,” Miller says.

But others say adolescents who seem like the least likely suspects are actually the most susceptible to teen peer pressure. “Popular kids tend to be the most vulnerable. They pay attention to what their peers value. And at 14 or 15, when their peers value experimenting with alcohol, they’re going to be right there,” says Joseph P. Allen, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia.

Why Teens Fall Prey to Peer Pressure

Kids’ personal traits aside, many experts agree that simply being of middle-school age is one of the leading causes of peer pressure. “Developmentally, these kids really want to conform,” Miller says.

Headstrong children who have known few parental limits in their lives are increasingly vulnerable to peer pressure during the middle-school years. “I see young kids who are strong and willful who have gotten away with a lot,” says Michelle M. Forcier, MD, head of adolescent medicine at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago. “Then parents suddenly panic because the risk-taking behavior is now about more serious things.”

How society is set up also makes adolescents conducive to teen peer pressure, some experts say. “If you go back 40 or 50 years ago, adolescents were much more likely to be integrated with adults, to be more a part of adult society,” Allen says. That has changed, he notes, and there’s now a much stronger emphasis for teens to socialize with peers. “It’s an independent youth culture, where values don’t come from parents. There’s no real connection to adult values,” Allen concludes.

Making Your Child Resilient to Teen Peer Pressure

In spite of adolescents’ vulnerability and the strong influence of peers, parents can exert a positive influence on their adolescents’ decision-making processes, offering them ways to combat the effects of peer pressure. Experts explain how.

• Keep communication lines open
  Talk to your kids — and don’t wait until they’re teens. Healthcare professionals, counselors, and educators agree unanimously that open communication between parents and their children helps youth better manage teen peer pressure. “It’s not too early to have an honest conversation about drugs, sex and other pressures when your child is in fifth grade,” Miller says.Dialogue that starts early pays off in the long run. “The kids who weather the decision-making process are those who can talk to their parents, no matter what the issue, and who know that even if their parents don’t approve of it, they will listen and help them make a decision that makes sense to them,” Forcier says.

  Research supports this theory. Teens who report learning a lot about the risks of drugs from their parents are up to 50% less likely to use drugs than those who say they haven’t learned a lot about drugs from their parents. That’s according to results of an annual, nationwide survey of teens in grades 6 through 12, conducted by Partnership for a Drug-Free America and reported by Tom Hedrick, senior communications officer and founding member of the association.

• Practice peer pressure scenarios
  Teen peer pressure may come as a surprise to your child. Out of the blue, he may be offered a cigarette or a swig of alcohol, and he may have no idea how to respond. You can help prepare him for these scenarios. “Find a calm period, prior to or during early adolescence, and role play,” Solotar suggests. “It’s much easier to manage a situation if you’ve already thought it out.”
• Listen to your teen’s perspective
  Express your personal opinions, but don’t let them shut down communication, advises Forcier. “You want to make clear to your adolescent what you believe in. But if you shut down on certain topics, your kid won’t come to you as a trusted adult,” Forcier says. She offers the example of the parent who adamantly refuses to discuss birth control with her 15-year-old daughter. “These kids are the ones we often end up seeing for pregnancy tests,” Forcier says.
• Keep inviting your kids into your life
  “There is a natural break [between teens and their parents], and it should happen. But I tell parents to keep inviting kids to do things. Kids want their parents to maintain the relationship,” Allen says. He warns that it may take some creativity and effort on the part of the parent. “You might have to find new ways to relate to your kid,” he says. He suggests trying to find mutual, life-long interests to share with your adolescent, like playing tennis or cooking together.
• Think beyond punitive responses
  A parent’s initial reaction to an adolescent who comes home inebriated may be to punish. But, ultimately, that’s not a solution to the real problem. “A punitive response doesn’t get at what you need to change the behavior,” Forcier says. “If a teen is 14 and she’s drinking, there’s probably a good reason for it. If you address it, maybe she won’t need the alcohol.”

Here are the top mistakes parents make with their teens and tweens, and how to avoid them.

By Joanne Barker

Things aren’t the way they used to be. Your 12-year-old no longer comes to you first when she feels hurt or disappointed. When your son misses curfew — again — the time-out corner that used to work wonders is now simply, lame. As your child grows into adolescence, you need to adapt your tried-and-true parenting skills to a rapidly changing world.

As tempting as it might seem, don’t throw away everything you know about your child — or yourself as a parent. Your teenager may seem like a stranger in your home, but behind the slammed doors and mood swings, she is still your child. You will face many unknowns in the years ahead. What you can expect is that your limits will be tested and your patience will, at times, wear thin. Here are the top mistakes parents make with their teens and tweens, and how to avoid them.

Teen Parenting Mistake # 1: Expect the Worst

Teenagers get a bad rap, says Richard Lerner, PhD, director of the Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development at Tufts University. Many parents approach raising teenagers as an ordeal, believing they can only watch helplessly as their lovable children transform into  unpredictable monsters. Expecting the worst sets parents and teens up for several unhappy, unsatisfying years together.

“The message we give teenagers is that they’re only ‘good’ if they’re not doing ‘bad’ things, such as doing drugs, hanging around with the wrong crowd, or having sex,” Lerner tells WebMD. Raising teenagers with negative expectations can actually promote the behavior you fear most. According to a recent study conducted at Wake Forest University, teens whose parents expected them to get involved in risky behaviors reported higher levels of these behaviors one year later.

Lerner urges parents to focus on their teenagers’ interests and hobbies, even if you don’t understand them. You could open a new path of communication, reconnect with the child you love, and learn something new.

Teen Parenting Mistake #2: Read Too Many Parenting Books

Rather than trusting their instincts, many parents turn to outside experts for advice on how to raise teens. “Parents can tie themselves into knots trying to follow the advice they read in books,” says Robert Evans, EdD, executive director of the Human Relations Service, Wellesley, Mass., and author of Family Matters: How Schools Can Cope with the Crisis in Child Rearing.

“Books become a problem when parents use them to replace their own innate skills,” Evans tells WebMD. “If the recommendations and their personal style don’t fit, parents wind up more anxious and less confident with their own children.”

Use books (and articles like this) to get perspective on confusing behavior and then put them down. Spend the extra time talking with your spouse and children, getting clear about what matters most to you and your family.

Teen Parenting Mistake #3: Sweat the Small Stuff

Maybe you don’t like your daughter’s haircut or choice of clothes. Or perhaps she didn’t get the part in the play you know she deserves. Before you intervene, look at the big picture. If a certain mode of self-expression or set of events does not put your child at risk, give her the leeway to make age-appropriate decisions and live with the results.

“A lot of parents don’t want growing up to involve any pain, disappointment, or failure,” Evans says. But protecting your child from the realities of life robs her of the opportunity to take chances and learn from her mistakes while she’s still under your roof. Step back and let your child know you’re there when she needs you.

Teen Parenting Mistake # 4: Ignore the Big Stuff

If you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs, do not look the other way. Parents should address suspected drug or alcohol use right away, before it escalates into a bigger problem, says Amelia M. Arria, PhD, director of the Center on Young Adult Health and Development at the University of Maryland School of Public Health.

“The years when kids are between 13 and 18 years old are an essential time for parents to stay involved,” Arria tells WebMD. Parents might consider teen drinking a rite of passage because they drank when they were that age. “But the stakes are higher now,” she says.

More drugs are available today, illegal drugs and legal medications. For example, cough remedies with DXM (dextromethorphan) have become a new drug of choice for some teens. DXM is easy to get and teens and parents alike underrate its potential dangers. Studies show that between 7% and 10% of U.S. teens have reported abusing cough medicine to get high. Although safe when used as directed, DXM can cause hallucinations and disassociations similar to PCP or ketamine (Special K) when used in excessive amounts, as well as rapid heartbeat, unconsciousness, stomach pain, and vomiting.

Watch for unexplained changes in your teen’s behavior, appearance, academic performance, and friends. If you find empty cough medicine packaging in your child’s trash or backpack, if bottles of medicine go missing from your cabinet, or if you find unfamiliar pills, pipes, rolling papers, or matches, your child could be abusing drugs. Take these signs seriously and get involved. Safeguard all the medicines you have: Know which products are in your home and how much medication is in each package or bottle.

Mistake #5: Rule With an Iron Fist, or Kid Gloves

Some parents, sensing a loss of control over their teens’ behavior, crack down every time their child steps out of line. Every day brings a new punishment. The home becomes a war zone. By contrast, other parents avoid all conflict for fear their teens will push them away. They put being a cool parent ahead of setting limits and enforcing rules. For these parents, discipline is a dirty word.

The first style of parenting focuses on obedience above all else. Although the house may run like a tight ship, teens raised in rigid environments don’t have the opportunity to develop problem-solving or leadership skills.

Yet too little discipline does a disservice to teens as well. Teenagers need clear structure and rules to live by as they start to explore the world outside. It is up to parents to establish their household’s core values and communicate these to their children through words and consistent actions. Lerner calls this being an authoritative parent, an approach that “helps children develop the skills they need to govern themselves in appropriate ways.”

Your Child Is Your Child, Through Thick and Thin

Raising teenagers isn’t always easy or smooth, especially when testing parents’ authority is part of growing up. Some days, faced with one teenage eye roll too many, you may wonder if it’s even worth trying.

Keep in mind that your influence runs deeper than you think. Most teens say they want to spend more time with their parents. And teens choose friends that have their parents’ core values. Keep making time for your child throughout the tween and teen years. Even when it doesn’t show, you provide the solid ground they know they can always come home to.

By MICHAEL MURRAY

Dads play roughhousing with their young children is crucially important in the early development of kids, according to a study by Australian researchers. Maybe the best gift is simply for kids to play with their dads.

“We know quite a lot about how important fathers are in general for a child’s development. Over the last decade, for example, that it’s mainly mother that interacts with children and that’s how they develop, and that’s the important bit, that’s changed. We know fathers are important,” Richard Fletcher, the leader of the Fathers and Families Research Program at the University of Newcastle in Australia, told ABC News.

“Father’s Day reminds us parents that we have no more solemn obligation than to care for our children,” President Barack Obama said Wednesday in calling for fathers to be more involved with their children. “But far too many young people in America grow up without their dads, and our families and communities are challenged as a result.”

The percentage of fathers who live seperately from their children has doubled in the past 50 years, but dads also tend to spend more than twice the amount of time with their children than they did in the 1960’s, according to a study released Wednesday by the Pew Research Center.

Australian researchers watched film of 30 dads while they roughhoused with their children, usually through a game where the child would try to remove a sock from their father’s foot, to see what effect it might have on children.

“Rough and tumble play between fathers and their young children is part of their development, shaping their children’s brain so that their children develop the ability to manage emotions and thinking and physical action altogether,” said Fletcher. “This is a key developmental stage for children in that preschool area between the ages of about two and a half and five. That’s when children learn to put all those things together.”

Although boys were more likely to encourage the start of roughhousing with their dads, researchers did not see a significant difference between boys and girls once the play started. But for the kids, it’s not just play.

“When you look at fathers and their young children playing, you can see that for the child, it’s not just a game. They obviously enjoy it and they’re giggling, we know that’s true, but when you watch the video, you can see that child is concentrating really hard … I think the excitement is related to the achievement that’s involved,” Fletcher told ABC News. “It’s not about a spoiled child not wanting to lose, I think that child is really striving for the achievement of succeeding.”

The researchers believe that the most important aspect of this play is that it gives children a sense of achievement when they ‘defeat’ a more powerful adult, building their self-confidence and concentration. However, fathers who resist their children, can also teach them the life lesson that, in life, you don’t always win. The act of a stronger adult holding back that strength also helps to build trust between father and child.

These kinds of lessons can be crucial in child developmental stages as they begin to build their outlook on the world. “We think it has implications for children’s resilience. So, if parents want their children to grow up and not get into drugs and not get into trouble, if they want them to do well academically, than this is probably a good thing to do,” said Fletcher. “We did find a correlation so that the dad’s whose play was much better coordinated according to our measures, those children had less problems.”

Fletcher admits that more research needs to be done, but he is hopeful that his team will eventually be able to help fathers know how to best interact with their child in their formative periods to ensure them a successful future. “It’s a new area, but we’re excited about the possibilities,” said Fletcher.

8 Discipline Mistakes Parents Make

Big discipline mistakes you might be making (and how to fix them).

By Amanda May

You know the drill: You give your child an ultimatum — “Get dressed or we’re staying home!” — and naturally she says, “Okay, we’ll stay home!” Might as well plant a big “L” on your forehead. We all see our discipline efforts backfire on occasion (hey, you’re tired!), and of course there are those battles just not worth fighting (no kid ever flunked preschool because his teeth were furry). But you do need to prove you’re the parent at least some of the time. Learning to avoid these discipline land mines can help you hop to it.

Way to Blow It #1: Tell a Big Ole Lie

“My two-year-old daughter, Chloe, fights me about going to her babysitter’s house every Monday,” says New Jersey mom Gina Kane. One morning when Chloe refused to get out of the car, “I pointed to the house next door and told her it was a daycare center run by the caveman from the Geico commercials, which really scare her,” says Kane. “I said she had a choice: Go to the sitter’s house or to the caveman’s daycare.” Mission accomplished — Chloe dashed to the sitter’s door. Fast-forward a week: The babysitter casually asked Kane if she knew of a daycare center in the neighborhood because her daughter couldn’t stop talking about it. “I was mortified having to explain, and Chloe now thinks that all daycare centers are run by cavemen,” Kane admits. “I’m in big trouble if I ever actually have to send her to daycare.”

A Better Way: Little white lies are so tempting in a pinch. You might even get away with them sometimes. Another mom had a great run while her toddler was afraid of a local clown named Macaroni. Whenever he refused to cooperate, she’d just say, “Maybe we should get Macaroni!” and the little guy would immediately don his pj’s or gobble his carrots. But as Kane found out, scare tactics can and do come back to bite you in the butt, so it’s best to be honest, says Bonnie Maslin, author of Picking Your Battles. Kane could have said instead, “I know sometimes you don’t want to go to your babysitter. Sometimes I don’t want to go to work.” Empathizing would have made the Monday-morning transition easier.

Way to Blow It #2: Back Down

You want a surefire way to make sure your kids never listen to you? Threaten but don’t act. My daughter Ella and I recently went for a playdate at a friend’s house, where the little girl kept snatching away whatever toy Ella picked up. Her mom would say, “Give that back to Ella or I’ll take it away,” and then turn back to our conversation. Of course, as soon as Ella moved on to another toy, the little girl wanted that one.

A Better Way: It’s no fun to be the bad guy, but if a child acts out, there has to be a consequence. “Repeatedly saying ‘If you don’t stop throwing sand, I’m going to make you leave the sandbox’ won’t stop the bad behavior,” says Bridget Barnes, coauthor of Common Sense Parenting for Toddlers and Preschoolers. “What your child hears is ‘I can keep doing this a few more times before Mom makes me stop.’”

Instead, give a warning, and then, if your child does it again, give an immediate consequence such as a time-out. If he continues, leave. The next time, a gentle reminder should do the trick: “Remember how we had to leave when you threw the sand? I hope we don’t have to go home early again today.”

Way to Blow It #3: Dis Dad (or Vice Versa)

When Polly Lugosi and her husband, Jim, take their two kids, Zoe, 5, and Miles, 2, out for a treat, this Milwaukie, OR, couple tells them that they have to behave or they won’t get it. “Unfortunately, my husband is a complete pushover and always gives them the treat even if they act up,” says Polly.

A Better Way: Even though Jim doesn’t mean to undermine Polly’s efforts, that’s exactly what he’s doing. Showing a united front won’t just help your child behave better, it’ll also prevent you from feeling like the bad guy all the time. “If you and your husband prefer to use different punishments, that’s okay — just as long as there are consequences for the same actions,” says Nancy Schulman, coauthor of Practical Wisdom for Parents: Demystifying the Preschool Years. When your child is out of earshot, create a list of rules and discuss different options, she says.

Way to Blow It #4: Bribe a Little Too Often

“My two-year-old daughter, Isabelle, has never been a great eater,” says Liz Samuel, a mom in Montclair, NJ. “So I once offered her a piece of chocolate if she would just finish her lunch.” The reward worked perfectly: Isabelle ate her chicken and sweet-potato fries — but then she demanded another treat at dinnertime. “Now, whenever I want her to eat, she asks for either chocolate or a lollipop,” complains the mom. “Plus, she’ll eat just one fry and then expect her treat.”

A Better Way: We all need to keep a good bribe up our sleeves — to get through the grocery store, a church service, or that new episode of Mad Men you had to TiVo because you were too whipped to stay up for it. But the experts insist that reinforcing good behavior is a better way to go. “So instead of saying ‘If you’re good at Grandma’s today, I’ll buy you a toy,’ try ‘I’m really proud of you for sitting so nicely during dinner at Grandma’s,’” advises Maslin. And don’t underestimate the power of disappointment. “Saying ‘I’m really sad you broke the present Daddy gave me’ makes a child feel appropriately bad about his behavior,” says Maslin. “You may feel like a terrible parent in the moment, but you’re actually helping your child develop a conscience.”

Way to Blow It #5: Break Your Own Rules

When Anne Wear’s 2-year-old son, Brandon, would do things he shouldn’t — take his mom’s car keys or pull books off the shelf, for example — this High Point, NC, mom would slap his hand and say “No, sir!” in a harsh tone of voice. “It worked great,” she says, “until his preschool teacher caught him slapping the hands of any child who took his toy or cut in front of him in line!” Wear quickly realized that she couldn’t say it was wrong for Brandon to smack his friends’ hands when she and her husband, Brian, were doing the same thing to him. “We switched to time-outs,” says Wear.

A Better Way: Not only are kids little mimics, emulating your bad behaviors, but they’ll call you on it, as Suzi Dougherty found out. Her 2-year-old, Will, knows that throwing toys in the house is a definite no-no. “But one day my husband, Chris, threw a dog toy into the next room, just to get it out from underfoot,” says this Newburgh, NY, mom. “Will immediately ordered him into a time-out! Since then, we try to be more careful and follow our own rules,” she says. “But on the plus side, at least it showed us that the ‘no throwing toys’ rule is starting to sink in!”

Way to Blow It #6: Lose It

Taking care of an active toddler requires a lot of patience. But there are times when Gabrielle Howe of Staten Island, NY, finds herself at the end of her rope when dealing with 2-year-old Thea. “One particularly trying day I completely lost it and yelled at Thea,” admits this working mom. “She then tried to send me to my room!”

A Better Way: Time-outs aren’t just for kids — they work great for adults, too. “Give yourself permission to walk away,” says Schulman. “Take a deep breath, count to ten, and then you’ll be much more effective when disciplining your child.” Walk into another room if you need to, as long as your child is safe in his crib or a childproofed room. “If you can’t leave your child alone, then you should both go into another room,” she adds. “Often a change of scenery will help you both cool off.” If your husband or a friend is around, just say “I need a break, can you handle this one?” suggests Schulman. And remember that kids are expert at pushing your buttons, but if you can avoid letting the situation escalate by giving one warning and then an immediate consequence, it may help keep you both calm.

Way to Blow It #7: Wait Too Long

Recently I was stuck in traffic with my 2-year-old daughter, Ella, when she started getting fidgety and tried to wiggle out of her car seat. Frustrated by both the slow trip home and the endless rounds of “Row, row, row your boat,” I told her that if she didn’t put her buckle back on correctly, she wouldn’t get to have a bedtime story that night — a technique that works great when my daughter’s procrastinating about getting into her pajamas or brushing her teeth before bed. This time, though, bedtime was hours away — and the threat pretty much meaningless. Ella didn’t stop playing with her seat buckle, and it seemed pointless to remind her about it hours later when she was getting ready for bed.

A Better Way: “Kids don’t remember what they did wrong an hour after the fact, never mind the next day,” says Barnes. “You want to show them the consequences of their actions as close to the bad behavior as possible.” If your child hits a friend with a toy truck, don’t cancel tomorrow’s playdate — just take away the truck.

Way to Blow It #8: Talk On… and On… and On

My husband, Patrick, tends to launch into long explanations with Ella, like how going to sleep is a good idea because she’ll feel well rested for our upcoming busy day at Grandma’s house. Tempting as it can be to try and reason with a young child, you might as well be speaking gibberish.

A Better Way: “Kids are not mini-adults,” says Barnes. “Long explanations or instructions go right over their heads.” Saying “No cookies before dinner” is enough to get the point across; you can skip the lecture about how sweets will spoil a tiny appetite. Keep your words age-appropriate, too. “I had one parent who was tired of always telling his son to stop whining,” says Barnes. “Then one day his child finally asked, ‘What’s whining?’” It’s okay to use a term like whining as long as you explain what you mean: “I can’t understand you when you whine. Please use your big-boy voice.”

Getting Back on Track

You gave a warning, then caved in. Or you yelled at your kid- for yelling at you. Below, how to fix your own bad behavior, from Nancy Schulman, coauthor of Practical Wisdom for Parents.

Get Over It “We all make mistakes,” says Schulman. “Don’t beat yourself up. Just say ‘I know I said — or did — something I shouldn’t have. Let’s try to all follow these rules from now on.’”
Take it Slow Even if you feel like your discipline techniques need to be completely overhauled, pick two of your top issues and start there. Don’t overwhelm your child with 20 new rules. “Sit down when he’s calm and go over the rules so he knows what’s expected of him,” says Schulman.
Work Around It Let’s say your child always has a tantrum over what to eat for breakfast. Rather than duke it out each morning, offer your child just two choices — say, cereal or eggs — so he can still feel in control.
Give it Time “It takes time to undo a pattern of bad behavior,” notes Schulman. “If you start being consistent, they’ll catch on. It may take ten or twenty times, but they’ll get it.”

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