I was talking to a Dad the other day who works with violent and disadvantaged kids.  He had a lot to say about Dads, and it was obvious that he himself is a passionate and involved parent. 

One striking (yet obvious) statistic that applies to these kids is that most them have never seen a strong, loving, involved Dad.  They didn’t have one and NOBODY they know has one.  The concept of a Dad being around and caring about them, providing for them, teaching them and setting the example is a concept that they cannot relate to.  Yet the examples of Dads they DO see on television and in the mainstream media are (for the most part) complete idiots. 

Why does our culture insist on portraying Dads as morons?!  I know it’s funny and it makes a lot of money, but come on.  We NEED great Dads, and we need our kids to SEE great Dads.  Just go to the “statistics” page at www.dadsworld.com and read some for yourself.  Dads play a critical role in the lives of their children.  When they are absent, the children (and the rest of us in society) suffer.  We are ALL dragged down by fatherlessness.  The majority of crime, drug abuse, violence, sex abuse, poverty, lack of education, etc.  can ALL be traced back to a broken family or absent father.  Dads are critical in curbing violent behavior in adolescent boys, and they are instrumental in adolescent girls decisions about sex and drugs.  Dads matter.

Our culture punishes dead-beat Dads in court.  Our popular culture admonishes absent Dads, but we DON’T provide positive, constructive examples of what a Dad should be.  That’s CRAZY!  Dadsworld.com is here to provide those examples.  We interview great Dads and help get the word out so children who don’t believe great Dads exist (because they personally have never seen one) or believe it’s attainable for them have role models.

If we don’t parent our kids, prisons become the substitute for parenting.  We have to make being an involved Dad attractive, so kids will grow up wanting to be great Dads to their kids.

If we can’t sell them on the idea that being an involved Dad is rewarding and owning your responsibilities is the right thing to do,  then they are not going to do it.  That’s why Dadsworld does interviews with great Dads!  We need to get the good role models out there.

I am always angered and amazed at how much money is spent on treating symptoms of problems, instead of getting at the root of the problem itself.  If we promoted involved Dads better, made it attractive and gave Dads social status, a “cool factor,” then men would WANT to be a part of that.  The problem for many young men is that all they see are stupid television sit-com Dads and general media portrayals of Dads are not something they want to be a part of.  If you don’t have a Dad role model in your life, you will use cultural images of what a Dad means.  If you don’t like that image, you won’t want any part of it.  So, we have young men who get their girlfriend pregnant and then run another direction.  They don’t want a life of being seen as stupid and a moron (the current mainstream portrayal of Dads.)  They see images of men who are struggling financially to support their families, are looked upon as idiots.  That’s not a “club” a young man wants to sign-up for, even though he might know deep down that being there for his kids is the right thing to do, he doesn’t get a lot of encouragement from our society in general.  In fact, he gets A LOT of encouragement to be irresponsible.  Just watch any popular television show.

I appreciate you helping support Dadsworld.  We are passionate about promoting great Dads, and in that process hopefully we are encouraging other Dads to get involved.  It IS a great experience, being a loving and involved Dad.  It is not an easy role, but it’s absolutely worth it.  Help us get the message out by telling people about our website.  We have some great interviews coming up that I know will make a difference, and help the site continue to grow.

You can follow Dadsworld on twitter, and become a fan on facebook as well.  All that does is help drive traffic to our site, and traffic helps us attract sponsors.  We also have a “donate” button at the Dadsworld.com store if you would like to help us maintain our website financially. 

We are looking for sponsors who want to attach their company name to our mission of promoting great Dads.  Our website is free, so all of the maintenance, web development work, t-shirt design and printing, business and domain registration costs, trademarking costs, etc. comes out of our founders pocket.  If you or someone you know is passionate about helping promote great Dads, have them contact us at: info@dadsworld.com

Thank you for your time and support!  Have a great day.

My wife and I were talking about our dating experiences the other day.  I wanted to take a moment and discuss some of the ideas I believe in when it comes to your children dating.

First of all, I believe that dating as a teenager should be looked at as a fun activity that should usually (depending on the kids) be done with friends and in groups.  One-on-one dating is appropriate for kids who show maturity and have a good understanding (and consistent track-record) of outstanding behavior. 

When your children grow into their early adult years, 18-25 for example, I believe (sometime during those years) the dating shifts from fun experiences to actually looking for their life’s partner.  Courtship becomes the idea.  This type of dating is designed to understand the other person, learn about their life expectations and your compatabilities.  Where do you want to live, do you want children, what are your religeous beliefs, what are your financial expectations, how do you envision your family in 10 years, what are your political viewpoints, etc.  Really getting to know the person is the idea behind dating at this stage.  For this article, I will stick with just talking about teenagers and dating, since you have direct influence on your kids at this stage.

I personally believe in teaching my son to act like a gentleman.  Treat the girl like a lady, and show her respect.  Open doors for her when appropriate, walk on her outside on sidewalks, dress neat and use language becoming of a gentleman.  That’s just me, though. 

I see a lot of teens acting like little thugs and brats while out with other kids.  That’s not my ideal image for my own son.  Hopefully I will have done a good enough job of modeling for my own kids that they won’t WANT to act that way, or care to impress their friends. 

Moms and Dads should, (I believe) be involved in talking to their children about dating before it actually starts happening. 

For Dads of girls, here are a few ideas:

1- Set expectations up front.  As the father, you should be talking to the boy before the date begins.  I was very “old-fashioned” this way when I was a teenager.  I always expected to meet the parents before taking their daughter out on a date.  As a parent with a daughter now, I think it’s very important for the Dad to communicate to his daughter that he loves her and trusts her, but it is also his job to protect her. 

When you meet your daughters date, ask the boy about: how he’s doing in school, what are his favorite subjects, what are his hobbies/interests, what are his plans after high school, does he have a current job, what do his parents do for a living, what’s his family structure like, what are his beliefs, etc.  Get to know the kid before he takes your daughter on a date.  That’s really NOT unreasonable, and it was expected just a generation ago.

2- Talk with your daughter clearly about the boundaries of behavior, and not only what’s expected of her, but also talk with her about what to be aware of regarding the boy.  Discuss your policy on alcohol, drugs, kissing, time frames, types of activities, etc.  Communication is so very important, and also so lacking between parents and children these days. 

3- Be the kind of Dad that your daughter can always talk to.  Don’t judge her or immediately jump to conclusions.  Be a good listener.  Just like in the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, don’t always try to solve her problems.  JUST LISTEN and be there for her.  Support your daughter, don’t become her adversary. 

If you have a son who is going to ask a girl out on a date, here are some ideas for you:

1- The first thing to understand is that your son learned how to treat women by watching you.  Be sure you model the kind of behavior you want to see out of him.

2- Talk with your son about love vs. physical attraction.  Teenage boys (as you well know) have very strong emotions and are driven by hormones.  Talk to your son about the difference in really caring about the girls well being (genuine concern and caring), versus just pursuing her for physical reasons.  Discuss his motivation for asking this girl out, and that can help him open up to you and give you the opportunity to answer some questions he might have.

3- Help your son keep things in perspective.  The person he dates as a teenager is extremely unlikely to be the person he eventually marries.  Teenagers (for the most part) are not prepared to handle the responsibilites of a mature, true-love relationship.  Even many adults are not prepared either!  Encourage your son to keep things in perspective, and understand that this might not develop into a serious romantic relationship.  Just have fun.

4- Be sure your son meets the girls parents and goes through that process, just like you will demand of any date your daughter brings home.  This also leads into you talking about boundaries with your son.  Talk about sex, drugs, alcohol, and appropriate behavior on a date and in every area of life.  Be sure he is clear regarding what is expected of him, and what behavior and activites you approve of. 

5- Share your own dating experiences with him.  Talk with him about how you did things, and what you learned.  This will be easy if you already have a good relationship and the respect of your son.  That will be gained over the years by your own actions and behavior.

The biggest key is to have communication well established in your family BEFORE your children start dating.  If your kids trust you, and respect you, you (and them) will be just fine.

Personally, I didn’t kiss girls on the first date.  I remember reading a “Dear Abby” book as a teenager, and I liked a lot of what she had to say.  I wanted to be sure to set a good example, and help squash the myth that all teenage boys are little punks only looking for sex.  In her book, Dear Abby said, “Don’t hand kisses out like pretzels.”  To this day I still remember that chapter.  In other words, be a person of depth and character.  Don’t get a repuatation as being “easy.”  Remember what you thought of the people who had that reputation.  Self-control is an invaluable skill in life, and it’s learned by watching you, Dad.

Kids need to learn how to interract with members of the opposite sex, and it starts to kick into gear when dating begins.  Just being around girls and being able to relax and be themselves can be a challenge for a teenage boy.  Don’t let them jump right into the physical part of dating.  Be sure they grow comfortable with themselves enough to respect the other person.  Encourage your children to talk with you about what they experience, and what questions come up.  When your son or daughter starts thinking about how their actions and behavior impacts their date and his/her family, that’s   a sign of maturity.

One of the biggest fears parents have is who their children decide to associate with.  Peers are a big influence on our youths, so be involved.  You, as a Dad, have a responsibility to be involved in your children’s lives.

If you take that seriously, then you AND your children will benefit greatly.

For this blog post, I want to share a little of my life philosophy with you.  I really believe that most people lead a very delusional life, believing things that are not true.  When given the chance (or asked to take the chance) of really finding out the truth, their low self-esteem prevents them from taking action.  I see it all the time. 

For example:  “Joe” thinks he is an excellent driver and would make a good race car driver.  He has never raced competitively, but he just feels like he would be good.  He lives his life thinking he IS good.  Rather than attend a racing school to hone his abilities, get his license, work on his skills and go racing, he avoids doing any of these things and is content with his delusion.

Another example: “Jim” thinks he is very tough and a good fighter.  He has never fought competitively, but thinks he is a bad dude.  Rather than getting involved in boxing, wrestling or MMA and working on himself, he is content to just believe he is tough.

Why don’t “Joe” and “Jim” take steps to work on themselves (personal development?)  Here is why:

1- It’s WORK.  It is not easy to undertake the task of improving oneself, unless you have supreme self-motivation and strong reasons. 

2- It would reveal their current inadequacies.  Most people have low self-esteem, and those people are afraid to accept the truth of where they are.  It is much easier (in their mind) to live in a fantasy world where they are already the greatest. 

Successful people all seem to exhibit one common trait– DRIVE.  They are obsessed with reaching their goal.  It is much better to work on oneself and continue to learn new things and improve.  My advice to others is to try new things with effort.  The more you learn, the more you CAN learn.  Also, the more you learn, the easier it is to learn new things as you will find relationships between skills and ideas. 

Don’t be afraid of mistakes or reality.  As Jim Rohn said, “Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills.”  IMPROVE yourself to the level you desire, don’t delude yourself by believing things that are not true.  Remember, discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.

If you do commit to learing and improve continuously, you will stand apart from others.  This is the path to success, NOT luck, chance or hope.  Self-improvement.

Why are most people not doing this?, why are they not constantly trying to improve and work on themselves?  Low self-esteem.  The determining factor on whether or not you will do this is how good you feel about yourself… self-image. 

Don’t do things that damage your self-image, like drinking too much alcohol, wasting large portions of time, doing drugs, committing crimes, etc.  Don’t do ANYTHING that you are not proud of, because over time it will errode your self-image and cause you to do less and less until eventually you PREFER the fantasy world you created over reality because it is easier, more comfortable and feels better. 

This is how a large number of people live their whole lives!  DON”T live this way.  It is not a fulfilling or successful life.

Be willing to make mistakes, take risks, do the right thing when it’s not popular.  Continue to challenge and push yourself.  Live a FULL life.  Be bold and go for it!  Don’t just EXIST as many people do, LIVE!  Fail your way to success.

If you have a good self-image and self-confidence, you will.  The more you learn and accomplish, the more you are willing to try new things and that leads to a better self-image.  It’s a snowball effect.

One lesson here is to encourage others.  Don’t tear others down for your own benefit or a power trip.  Deep down that won’t feel good to you (lowering your own self-image) and it hurts the other person as well.

As a parent (if you are one), you have an exceptionally important role in the lives of your kids.  It is your RESPONSIBILITY to raise children who are self-confident and willing to grow.  As Brian Tracy says, be sure to raise “Happy, healthy and self-confident children.”  We have the power as parents to influence our children’s feeling about themselves.  Don’t destroy them just to keep them down.  There are much better ways to raise children.  We NEED good parents desperately.

One good thing to try is to play out the observer bias scenario.  We tend to do things better, more thoroughly (different) when we believe we are being watched.  I used to ask myself if God, or my boss, or my parent (some significant authority figure) were to follow me around with a notepad all day for a week, and record everything I did, would I change my behvaior at all for that week?  If the answer is “yes,’  then ask yourself “why?”  Why am I not maximizing the time I have been given?

Often, I believe, it’s because we don’t really think we have a chance to achieve our dreams.  Only a select few of us do.  So we create a comfortable lifestyle where not too much is asked of us, and that begins the downward spiral of self-confidence.  So many people are nearly paralyzed with fear of failure and rejection.  Don’t let that be you.

I am encouraging you to go for it!  Start by evaluating where you are right now.  What are your present skills and abilities?  What is your present career and financial situation?  What is your present family life like?  etc.  Then, ask yourself what you really want.  What is your major definite purpose?  Why do you want that?  What are you going to have to work on to achieve it?  How long should it reasonably take?

Spend a little time thinking and evaluating your own life.  Don’t just drift along with the wind.  Design your life.  And help your kids design theirs.  Help them try new things, encourage them to pursue their dreams.  That’s how we create strong, successful people with self-confidence.

Thanks for helping spread the word about www.dadsworld.com  Be sure to tell your friends and family about us and check-out our facebook page as well.  Have a great day!

Tags: brian tracy, dads, encouraging children, fatherhood, involved parents, jim rohn, learing, mom, parenting statistics, self-confidence, self-esteem

Our first ever “Featured Dad” interview is up on the main page of www.dadsworld.com  The Featured Dad interview is different than the “Dad of the Month” in that we get more into the biography and other accomplishments of the Featured Dad.  We have so many outstanding Dads, we needed another feature to help showcase them.

Take a look at Cameron Herold’s interview and unique ideas.  He was the Chief Operating Officer of 1-800-GOT-JUNK for 7 years and helped it grow from $2 million to $105 million in 6 years with no debt or outside shareholders. 

Cameron is a highly successful entrepreneur who guides small business owners to success!  He has great ideas and his website is: www.backpocketcoo.com 

Cameron had an article in a recent issue of Success magazine, and is well respected as an expert in finding solutions to small business problems.

Be sure to read his interview and tell your friends and family about Dadsworld.  Become a fan on facebook and register on the main www.dadsworld.com page for many benefits.

Dadsworld has some exciting interviews lined up.  We should have a new Dad of the Month (DOM) interview up tomorrow, and this Dad is an outstanding example of what we represent.  Loving, involved, intelligent and all around great Dad.  Look for the new DOM tomorrow!

We also have a couple of suprise Dads in store, both are coming up in April!  I am sure you will know both of them, and Dadsworld is excited to bring you their stories.