Manners

I want to talk a little about manners.  You know… social graces, etiquette, being polite.  Our society seems to be increasingly unfamiliar with these terms, and we need to do a little brushing up.  Here is what Wikipedia says about manners:

“In sociology, manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which show the actor to be cultured, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, other than social disapproval. They are a kind of norm.”

Manners set the standard for behavior.  Do you know many people who you would consider cultured?  Polite?  Refined?  How about children?  I know some people who fit this description, but it’s not the majority of people.  I hope we can all work on being a little bit more aware of how we treat others, and the spirit of our actions.

I believe it is very important for a civilized society to teach their children manners.  So, here is a list of some of the more important issues when it comes to social conduct:

1- Teach your kids how to meet and greet people properly.  Look the other person in the eye when introducing yourself and listen when they speak.  Shake hands with a firm, solid handshake.  Children should address adults as Mr. __ or Mrs. __  Be sure to teach your kids to stand up straight, be proud. 

2- Teach your kids good speaking etiquette.  Use the words, “yes” and “no.”  NOT “yeah” or simply grunt.  “Please,” “thank you,” “hello,” “goodbye,” “excuse me,” “may I,” and “I’m sorry,” are all excellent phrases to use regularly.  Don’t lecture your kids, but GUIDE them and lead by your own example.  Show respect and you will get it back.  Show interest in others and you will receive it back.  Be sincere, not sarcastic.

3- Teach your kids the honor and value of writing thank you notes. 

4- Teach your children to respond when asked a question and follow through with their commitments.

5- Talk about and model correct table manners with your kids.  Chewing with your mouth open and talking with a mouth full of food is NOT a good example.  This is a big irritant for me with adults!

6- Show your children to show respect to their elders and people of authority.  I know it’s hard for your 17 year old to believe, but there have been others before them who accomplished great things, and are worth listening to.  Teach your kids how to learn.

7- Teach your children to have the confidence to compliment others, and accept praise without excuse.  Remember to praise in public and criticize in private.  Don’t embarrass your kids or belittle them. 

8- Teach your kids to hold the door for others and be a generally kind citizen.  Zig Ziglar, one of my favorite speakers said, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”  Be sincere, not trite.

There are many other manner issues that I will talk about, but this is a good list to start with.  I know that when I meet people who are polite and kind, and their kids are well behaved; I am always impressed.  I had a Real Estate client family, the Mihalik’s who come immediately to mind.  Their son, Max, was extemely well behaved.  When his dad introduced us, he looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said it was good to meet me.  He was less than 5 years old!  That happened 2 years ago, and I still remember it as a significant event.  He is a very impressive little boy, and I was thinking to myself that I wish a lot of other parents could see how he acted.  Good parenting.  Good manners.

It all comes back to treating others as you would want to be treated.  The Golden Rule is the foundation of a civilized society.  Let’s teach our kids this rule, and make it the norm in our lives. 

Tags: dad, dadsworld, etiquette, golden rule, manners, mom, parenting, polite, real estate, social graces, wikipedia