June is here! More thoughts on my Dad

Today I went to Portland International Raceway with my family and parents to watch some friends of mine race in the Rose Cup Races.  It was a cool, overcast day but no rain, which was nice for us spectators!  I used to race in the Spec Racer Ford series of the SCCA, and still instruct road racing and high performance driving to this day.  Racing is very addicting!  It was nice to see some good races, and my son (who is now 22 months old) really likes getting out to the track.  He didn’t stop talking about the racecars the rest of the day.  He likes to make the sounds of the cars too, he’s adorable.

Continuing with talking about my Dad, our Dad of the month, here are a few more thoughts:

I always felt really lucky that my Dad was so involved, as many of the kids I grew up with didn’t have that fortune.   I knew kids growing up that didn’t have good relationships with their fathers, and they tended to be the drinkers and party types, struggling with school and their own self-image.  They typically had parents who tried (unsuccessfully) to rein them in, dictating stricter and tighter rules.  I knew many kids with curfews in High School, and they were always pushing the limits of that curfew and their parent’s authority.

I didn’t get into trouble like the kids who’s Dads were either uninvolved, non-existent or overly strict.  I didn’t feel the need to fit-in to be cool.  I understood that living my life according to my beliefs WAS cool.  I didn’t need to be a drinker or wear baggy clothes or act like an obnoxious fool to be cool.  There really are teenagers out there who respect their parents, love their family and enjoy doing the right thing.  Respect is the key for parents of teenagers.  You MUST have your child’s respect, if you don’t no amount of rules or harsh punishments will curb their poor behavior.  It will only make them more rebellious.

At that point it’s too late.  You just hope after the kid turns 18 and moves out that they will eventually mature and gain the wisdom to change their ways and see how foolish they have been.  You also hope that along the way they don’t make any major mistakes and end up in jail, dead or making illegitimate children.  You earn their respect when they are still children by doing the right things yourself.  Modeling the correct behavior is a key to parenting.  You can’t expect your kids to behave any differently than they see you behaving.  How do you treat your spouse?  How do you treat the children themselves?  How do you treat yourself?  How do you act toward others?  What are your priorities in life?  How much time do you spend away from the family?  How do you act when you are stressed out?  What’s your temper like?  Are you generally upbeat and positive or dour and negative?  What sort of emphasis do you put on your own education?  Do you make time for your family over your career?  If you don’t like the answer to these questions, you had better make some changes because your kids will most likely end up just like you.  Even if they don’t end up working in the same field or living in the same area, they will take-on your value system, or lack thereof.  It’s truly amazing to me to see parents who have modeled all the wrong things be surprised and even angry that their kids display bad behavior.  Where do you think they learned it?  Kids don’t learn near as much from what you tell them as they will learn from what you show them with your own lifestyle. 

I was thinking about my post yesterday and how I mentioned that I enjoy working with my Dad.  I wanted to share a story with you.

I still work with my Dad on building projects (after he retired from the Bank he became a builder).  We have built several houses together and done many building and remodeling projects for others.  It’s so much fun to still be able to work and laugh together, not to mention having the benefit of his advice and experience.  I still learn from my dad to this day.  He is an intelligent man who created a wonderful family.  He modeled the hard working Dad role and always put his family first.  My Dad is my hero.

One funny moment we had while working together happened in Bend in the late 1990’s.  We were working on framing a spec-house that we were building together, and we had spent the day putting together the exterior walls.  We were about to raise the front wall of the home and decided that with the big window space, it wouldn’t be as heavy as some of the other walls.  We thought we didn’t need the wall jack, and decided to try to lift the wall by hand into position.  Well, we each got on an end and on the count of three managed to lift the wall to our waists, then we were going for another count of three and hoist it the rest of the way.  We either under-estimated the weight of the wall or over-estimated our ability to lift it.  I’m not sure which one, but we got stuck.  We counted to 3 and gave out a big heave, only to fail to raise the wall into it’s upright position.  We were barely able to continue to hold it up to our waist.  It was so heavy that we couldn’t get out of the way to let it down either.  We were stuck.  At that point we looked at each other and started laughing.  Here we were, stuck under this huge framed wall, unable to lift it and unable to get out from under it.  We stood there, straining to hold it for about a minute, although it seemed much longer.  Eventually we worked our way out from under it and let it drop.  Needless to say, we used the wall jack after that.  : ) 

I will always remember that, and I always enjoy working with my Dad.