Here is an excerpt from the article: Five Effective Parenting Tips Because Your Kids Deserve the Best by Ken Stauffenger.

“Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day. Teaching is what you do every time you interact with your children. And it always happens today. There isn’t a moment when you are not teaching your children – if you’re helping with schoolwork, watching their team sports or just sitting down to the family meals. It doesn’t matter if you’re having dinner in your kitchen or if you’re a part-time parent who is having dinner at McDonald’s. What matters is that you’re really there. You are a guide and an anchor. Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model. That’s how you will have the greatest impact on your children. Parenting is about the millions of “small things” and not about big events or sounding great when you talk about them. It’s about the quiet times and the little things.”

I encourage you to read the whole thing.  It’s always good to be reminded of the basics. 

Here is the link to the entire article:

http://www.dadsworld.com/articles/parenting/five-effective-parenting-tips.html

“Do you feel like life is one constant battle, complete with hair-pulling, name-calling, and “but Daaaaaad, she hit me first!!”…? We’ve got your guide to settling sibling squables and keeping the peace in your house. 

Set Firm Rules and Clear Expectations. Whether you have one child or five, if your kids know the rules and know what is expected from them, they definitely won’t behave perfectly, but you will be able to point to clear, known standards. This will keep things fair and help you to show your children that that is your goal. Also, clear rules allow you to teach your kids your values and what is important to your family.  

Get To Know Each Child.Your kids can sense if you have favorites and may act out accordingly. You may find yourself gravitating to one child who has similar interests. Or maybe you are avoiding time with your daughter because you’re just not sure how to relate to her. But, it is essential that you get to know each of your children – who they are, how they feel about different things, their interests, etc. This will also help you know how best to guide them as they grow.  

Create Space. Sometimes, everyone just needs a little space. Give your children separate chores or take some out with you on an errand while everyone else stays home. Yes, it is important that you kids learn to work together, but sometimes a little space helps everyone calm down. 

Don’t Try To Solve Everything. One of the great things about having siblings is it provides an opportunity for your kids to learn communication and conflict resolution. As your children get older – late elementary school and beyond – encourage them to work out their own grievances. Equip them with basic communications skills, help guide and facilitate conversations, but don’t always jump to fix it.  

With a little patience (okay, maybe a lot) and regular deep breaths, you can keep the peace in your house and help your kids work towards healthy relationships with their siblings.”

My wife and I have a 3 1/2 year old son and a 1 1/2 year old daughter.  They fight what seems like 60% of the time.  As a parent, all you want is for them to get along and play quietly together.  (Nice dream.)  But, having an older brother myself, I know that blissful idea is not reality.  Having patience and the ability to control your emotions is paramount. 

Just remember the last paragraph in the article — you can’t and shouldn’t try to solve everything.  Kids need to learn the art of negotiation and getting along, by themselves.

I hope this helps, at least know this:  you are not alone!  That just might be the silver lining that preserves your sanity. 

Be sure to follow us on twitter and become a fan on facebook, and thank you for supporting involved Dads. 

Have a great day!

Dadsworld is all about promoting invovled Dads, like Rob.  His interview and insights are exactly what needs to be getting out to the mainstream media.  Help us get the word out by telling your friends and family about our website, and be sure to let it be known that we are on facebook and twitter as well. 

Thanks for your support, and be sure to take a couple of minutes to read Rob’s Dad of the Month interview!

By Rod. B.  guest writer for Dadsworld’s blog. 

Check out his blog at:  http://rnbergren.blogspot.com/search/label/KidsDads

Cost: $0 – $50

Quiet factor 0 – 90 db

What you need?
A Globe and the internet and/or a good library.

The Idea.

The idea is to explore the world at large.   To take trips and plan how you would get to that spot.   To maybe even eat a meal or speak a few words of the language you might encounter.

The Rub.

Have your child pick a spot on the globe/map at random,  As they get older they will want to pick more and more specific spots.   Then comes the fun part.

Usually in my house we will make the trip a week long process.  On Sunday we might pick the spot where we are going.  Then we immediately discuss ideas for how to get there?  I usually steer the family towards using as many methods of transportation as possible.  Say if we are going to the Yamal Penn. In Northern Russia.  Then first we will probably drive to the airport. Then fly to Russia, and then we might ride horses to the last part.

Monday thru Thursday we all spend sometime surfing the internet searching for pictures, languages, recipes from the spot where we will be traveling.  We try to spend a little time each evening 5-20 minutes talking about the new spot.  It can be quiet fun to hear the kids say that Mom can stay on the beach in Australia while we rent a boat and sneak up to the island of Kai Kecil (Indonesia) and get coconuts.  Just craziness.  Kids can be really inventive at this point in time.  Talking about how to help out the other children in Sao Paulo in Brazil and many other things that have happened.

Friday/Saturday we try to greet each other with the word for Hello in that language.  And maybe even make a meal that would be sort of traditional from that area.  Some of the meals have been spectacular. Others…well lets just say the dog wouldn’t eat it.

Benefits.  Obviously the children learn about geography.  They also learn respect for other people (cultures) and they really branch out in ideas on how fun differing types of travel can be.   But don’t ever discount the things you will learn.   Not just about areas of the world you thought you would know well.   But from the angles of thought your children would bring to the subject.

Rating:   This is a 10.   This is probably one of my favorite things to do with my children.   It is something we can all do together anytime and any place and we can have so many fun discussions when we are actually on the trips we have taken together.   When you talk about how exciting a plane trip is. You can then be amazed at what the kids are looking forward to during the trip.

Have fun!  Thanks, Rod!

Jim Rohn used to say, “Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills.”  Excellent advice.  Continue to work on yourself, and improve your skills, then you can solve bigger problems, the mark of a successful person.

I recently turned 40 years old, and it makes me think about the term “growing old.”  I guess it’s not so bad, as long as the word “growing” is still the key. 

I hope you read our Dad of the Month interview with JJ Birden.  JJ and I have become friends and his story about how he used dark chocolate to help with his inflammation and physical pain after retiring from the NFL is amazing.  I have long heard of the health benefits of eating dark chocolate, and I happen to love the stuff myself.  To make a long story short, I went into business with JJ and am now sharing Healthy Chocolate with others.  It has turned into quite a business, one that I invite you to take a serious look at.  Go to www.thechocolateanswer.com and see for yourself.

JJ and I are building a team of people who share our love of dark chocolate, enjoy the health benefits and want to build a residual income.  Our team has grown to include people in 14 countries, and it’s just getting started. 

Dark chocolate is super-rich in antioxidants, helps reduce inflammation, promotes cardiovascular health and has a host of other benefits.

The Livestrong foundation has several articles on the benefits of Dark Chocolate, as does WebMD, Prevention Magazine, etc.  Here are a few links for you to take a look at: 

http://www.livestrong.com/article/5966-need-antioxidants-dark-chocolate/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14876-decrease-your-cancer-risk-with-dark-chocolate/

http://www.prevention.com/health/nutrition/healthy-eating-tips/dark-chocolate-and-antioxidants/article/147b50d1fa803110VgnVCM10000013281eac____

http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20030827/dark-chocolate-is-healthy-chocolate

http://mydrchocolate.soundconcepts.com/

Contact me if you would like to talk with JJ and I about joining our team.  We are expanding our business, and looking for leaders to work with. 

We are having a great time sharing and building a team of people who want to have fun, enjoy life and earn a great income.  Millions of words have been written about success.  These by Elbert Hubbard are among my favorites:  “He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often and loved much.”  Sounds like a blueprint for a successful life.

Have a great day!

One of the slides I liked had the following information:  Teach Kids these skills-

1- Problem Solving

2- To Lead Others

3- To Want to Make Money

4- Public Speaking

5- To Ask Questions

6- To Learn from Mistakes

7- How to Sell

8- To Never Give Up

9- To be Creative

10- How to Save Money

11- To Ask for Help

12- To see Solutions

One of the things Cameron does with his kids is teach them to negotiate for their allowance, and look for ways to contribute and solve problems.  Excellent advice!  Don’t wait for handouts or learn to become dependent on the government.  Be an entrepreneur, a person who solves problems and fill needs. 

I like the idea of teaching our kids to be self-reliant.  Empowering people will lead to our advancement.  Don’t let your kids get groomed to be dependent on others.  Whether it’s the system or parenting, often times kids are taught to be dependent.  Entitlements and a victim mentality will lead to people being followers.  DON’T be a follower, be a LEADER and teach your kids to be the same.

One note, the BEST (perhaps the ONLY) way to teach these qualities to your children is to exhibit them yourself.

1- Determination.  “Stick with it, regardless.”  Resolve.  Teach your children that not everything comes easy.  Many things must be struggled for, but it’s critical to finish the job.  Be a finisher.

2- Honesty.  “Speak and live the truth — always.”  This is such an important quality in a person, and sadly lacking in modern culture.  Be a perosn of CHARACTER, and pass that along to your kids.  Invaluable.

3- Responsibility.  “Be dependable and trustworthy.”  Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.  Accept defeat without complaint and victory without apology.  You are responsible for your life.  In today’s culture (rampant entitlement mentality), this might be one of the most important qualities to model for your kids.

4- Thoughtfulness.  “Think of others before yourself.”  It’s so easy to never grow up and be selfish.  It must be, just look around.  Watch how people act.  This is part of being a person of character, quality.  Those are good things.

5- Confidentiality.  “Don’t tell secrets.  Seal your lips.”  Respect others.  If you do, you won’t go telling everyone about others problems behind their back.  Gossip is in poor taste.  Don’t go there.

6- Punctuality.  “Be on time.”  This is a real hot-button for myself.  I am on time.  ALWAYS.  I EXPECT you to be as well.  If you can’t be on time, use your phone and let me know.  Just to show up 20+ minutes late like it’s no big deal is so incredibly selfish and rude, it makes me crazy.  Be a quality person who respects others time.

7- Self-control.  “When under stress, stay calm.”  Learing self-control is essential for happiness in life.  My 3 year old son has difficulty in this area, but then again, he’s 3.  By the time you are an adult, and especially by the time you are a parent, you had better have learned self-control.  It’s part of the maturation process, and a requirement for success.

8- Patience.  “Fight irritability.  Be willing to wait.”  Being able to delay self-gratification is very difficult these days, but an essential part of building a successful career.  It’s also a crucial component of parenting.  Patience needs to be developed.  You will be stressed and pushed well beyond anything you can imagine as a parent.  Being patient is a key to your (and your family’s) sanity.

9- Purity.  “Reject anything that lowers your standards.”  This goes back to a theme I have written about many times in this blog.  Doing less than your best errodes your self-confidence.  Maintain a standard for yourself.  In your personal performance and in the things you spend your time on.  For your confidence and self-image to suffer, it just takes YOU to know you are not meeting your standards.  Even if nobody else knows, you DO.  That’s all it takes to start the process to negativity, depression and poor performance.

10- Compassion.  “When another hurts, fell it withl him.”  As the saying goes, there’s a time to laugh and a time to cry.  Let life touch you.  Be empathetic to others.  This will help you better understand anothers point of view, and lead you to being more helpfull and kind.

11- Diligence.  “Work hard.  Tough it out.”  Be that kind of qulaity person known for getting things done.  There is great satisfaction in completing a tough job.  That builds self-confidence and leads to bigger and better things.  Don’t settle for putting in a half-way effort.  There’s no reward for that.

As I write these, I constantly am thinking about my own grandfather.  He was born in 1912 and always had great stories for my brother and myself growing up.  When I think of him, the word GENTLEMAN comes to mind.  He would be disgusted by so many of the common attitudes of today.  Meanness, entitlement philosophy, sarcasm, shock-culture, lack of hard work and the general lack of appreciation for what we have would not sit well with him.  He was a man of values and principles and he lived by them.  That’s something I will never forget, and hopefully I will pass along his life’s ideals to my kids.

We so desperately need these qualities today. It’s up to us, the parents to make sure these ideals don’t become extinct.  We can do it, and we MUST do it.  I want my kids to live quality lives, and it starts right here with me doing my part.

1- Respect your children’s mother.  One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother.  If you are married, keep your marriage strong and vital.  If you are not married, it is still important to respect and support the mother of your children.  Kids have real concerns about how well their parents get along, and whether or not they feel connected to a consistent and loving family.

2- Spend time with your children.  How a father spends his time tells his children what’s important to him.  If you always seem too busy for your children, they will feel neglected no matter what you say.  As a father, you MUST re-prioritize your life and become family focused.  It’s no longer just about you, or you and your wife (or girlfriend) anymore.  You CANNOT be selfish and be a good father. 

3- Earn the right to be heard.  All too often the only time a father speaks to his children is when they have done something wrong.  Begin talking with your kids when they are very young so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older.  Take time to listen to their ideas and problems.  CARE about your kids.  If you do, you will take the time to be involved and get to know them.  If you don’t, you will be just going through the motions, which is NOT being a great Dad.

4- Discipline with Love.  All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment but to set reasonable limits.  Remind your children of the consequences of their actions, and provide meaningful rewards for desireable behavior.  Don’t fall into the trap seen on modern day sit-coms, where the kids do anything they want and run all over the parents.  That’s NOT a good family structure.

5- Be a role model.  I spoke about this in the last blog post.  Fathers are role models to their kids whether they realize it or not.  A girl who spends time with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect by boys and what to look for in a husband.  Fathers can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility, and responsibility.  This is HUGE.  Be the kind of man you want your son to become.  Be someone your kids are proud of.

6- Be a teacher.  Too many fathers think teaching is something others do.  But a father who teaches his children about right and wrong and encourages them to do their best will see his children make good choices.  Embrace your role and give it your best.

7- Eat together as a family.  Sharing a meal together can be an important part of a healthy family life.  In addition to providing some structure in a busy day, it gives kids the chance to talk about what they are doing and want to do.  Growing up, my family always ate dinner together.  As a teenager, we all shared the notable events of day, each evening as a family.  That’s critical.

8- Read to your children.  Begin reading to your children when they are very young.  When they are older, encourage them to read on their own and read to you.  Instilling in your children a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of personal and career growth. 

9- Show affection.  Children need security that comes from knowing they are wanted, accepted, and loved by their family.  Parents, especially fathers, need to feel both comfortable and willing to hug their children.  Showing affection every day is the best way to let your children know you love them.  My family is affectionate.  We are huggers.  I can’t tell you how powerful that is, and the positive effect it has had on my friends throughout my life. 

10- Realize that a father’s job is never done.  That’s why I designed the “Dad for life” t-shirts.  Even after children are grown and ready to leave home, they will still look to their fathers for wisdom and advice.  Whether it’s continued schooling, a new job, or a wedding, fathers continue to play an essential part in the lives of their children as they grow and, marry and build their own families.  I know I still ask my Dad about things to this day.  He is an invaluable resource.  BE that for your kids.

Thanks for supporting Dadsworld.  Follow us on twitter and become a fan on facebook as well.  Be sure to tell your friends and family about our great website and mission to promote great dads!

We also added a “donation” button in the Dadsworld.com store.  If you think our efforts are worthy of support, would you please make a small contribution to Dadsworld.com? 

I also encourage you to join our website and help us spread the word that great Dads are out there, and we need them to be more visible in our media.

Thanks and have a great day!

One striking (yet obvious) statistic that applies to these kids is that most them have never seen a strong, loving, involved Dad.  They didn’t have one and NOBODY they know has one.  The concept of a Dad being around and caring about them, providing for them, teaching them and setting the example is a concept that they cannot relate to.  Yet the examples of Dads they DO see on television and in the mainstream media are (for the most part) complete idiots. 

Why does our culture insist on portraying Dads as morons?!  I know it’s funny and it makes a lot of money, but come on.  We NEED great Dads, and we need our kids to SEE great Dads.  Just go to the “statistics” page at www.dadsworld.com and read some for yourself.  Dads play a critical role in the lives of their children.  When they are absent, the children (and the rest of us in society) suffer.  We are ALL dragged down by fatherlessness.  The majority of crime, drug abuse, violence, sex abuse, poverty, lack of education, etc.  can ALL be traced back to a broken family or absent father.  Dads are critical in curbing violent behavior in adolescent boys, and they are instrumental in adolescent girls decisions about sex and drugs.  Dads matter.

Our culture punishes dead-beat Dads in court.  Our popular culture admonishes absent Dads, but we DON’T provide positive, constructive examples of what a Dad should be.  That’s CRAZY!  Dadsworld.com is here to provide those examples.  We interview great Dads and help get the word out so children who don’t believe great Dads exist (because they personally have never seen one) or believe it’s attainable for them have role models.

If we don’t parent our kids, prisons become the substitute for parenting.  We have to make being an involved Dad attractive, so kids will grow up wanting to be great Dads to their kids.

If we can’t sell them on the idea that being an involved Dad is rewarding and owning your responsibilities is the right thing to do,  then they are not going to do it.  That’s why Dadsworld does interviews with great Dads!  We need to get the good role models out there.

I am always angered and amazed at how much money is spent on treating symptoms of problems, instead of getting at the root of the problem itself.  If we promoted involved Dads better, made it attractive and gave Dads social status, a “cool factor,” then men would WANT to be a part of that.  The problem for many young men is that all they see are stupid television sit-com Dads and general media portrayals of Dads are not something they want to be a part of.  If you don’t have a Dad role model in your life, you will use cultural images of what a Dad means.  If you don’t like that image, you won’t want any part of it.  So, we have young men who get their girlfriend pregnant and then run another direction.  They don’t want a life of being seen as stupid and a moron (the current mainstream portrayal of Dads.)  They see images of men who are struggling financially to support their families, are looked upon as idiots.  That’s not a “club” a young man wants to sign-up for, even though he might know deep down that being there for his kids is the right thing to do, he doesn’t get a lot of encouragement from our society in general.  In fact, he gets A LOT of encouragement to be irresponsible.  Just watch any popular television show.

I appreciate you helping support Dadsworld.  We are passionate about promoting great Dads, and in that process hopefully we are encouraging other Dads to get involved.  It IS a great experience, being a loving and involved Dad.  It is not an easy role, but it’s absolutely worth it.  Help us get the message out by telling people about our website.  We have some great interviews coming up that I know will make a difference, and help the site continue to grow.

You can follow Dadsworld on twitter, and become a fan on facebook as well.  All that does is help drive traffic to our site, and traffic helps us attract sponsors.  We also have a “donate” button at the Dadsworld.com store if you would like to help us maintain our website financially. 

We are looking for sponsors who want to attach their company name to our mission of promoting great Dads.  Our website is free, so all of the maintenance, web development work, t-shirt design and printing, business and domain registration costs, trademarking costs, etc. comes out of our founders pocket.  If you or someone you know is passionate about helping promote great Dads, have them contact us at: info@dadsworld.com

Thank you for your time and support!  Have a great day.

First of all, I believe that dating as a teenager should be looked at as a fun activity that should usually (depending on the kids) be done with friends and in groups.  One-on-one dating is appropriate for kids who show maturity and have a good understanding (and consistent track-record) of outstanding behavior. 

When your children grow into their early adult years, 18-25 for example, I believe (sometime during those years) the dating shifts from fun experiences to actually looking for their life’s partner.  Courtship becomes the idea.  This type of dating is designed to understand the other person, learn about their life expectations and your compatabilities.  Where do you want to live, do you want children, what are your religeous beliefs, what are your financial expectations, how do you envision your family in 10 years, what are your political viewpoints, etc.  Really getting to know the person is the idea behind dating at this stage.  For this article, I will stick with just talking about teenagers and dating, since you have direct influence on your kids at this stage.

I personally believe in teaching my son to act like a gentleman.  Treat the girl like a lady, and show her respect.  Open doors for her when appropriate, walk on her outside on sidewalks, dress neat and use language becoming of a gentleman.  That’s just me, though. 

I see a lot of teens acting like little thugs and brats while out with other kids.  That’s not my ideal image for my own son.  Hopefully I will have done a good enough job of modeling for my own kids that they won’t WANT to act that way, or care to impress their friends. 

Moms and Dads should, (I believe) be involved in talking to their children about dating before it actually starts happening. 

For Dads of girls, here are a few ideas:

1- Set expectations up front.  As the father, you should be talking to the boy before the date begins.  I was very “old-fashioned” this way when I was a teenager.  I always expected to meet the parents before taking their daughter out on a date.  As a parent with a daughter now, I think it’s very important for the Dad to communicate to his daughter that he loves her and trusts her, but it is also his job to protect her. 

When you meet your daughters date, ask the boy about: how he’s doing in school, what are his favorite subjects, what are his hobbies/interests, what are his plans after high school, does he have a current job, what do his parents do for a living, what’s his family structure like, what are his beliefs, etc.  Get to know the kid before he takes your daughter on a date.  That’s really NOT unreasonable, and it was expected just a generation ago.

2- Talk with your daughter clearly about the boundaries of behavior, and not only what’s expected of her, but also talk with her about what to be aware of regarding the boy.  Discuss your policy on alcohol, drugs, kissing, time frames, types of activities, etc.  Communication is so very important, and also so lacking between parents and children these days. 

3- Be the kind of Dad that your daughter can always talk to.  Don’t judge her or immediately jump to conclusions.  Be a good listener.  Just like in the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, don’t always try to solve her problems.  JUST LISTEN and be there for her.  Support your daughter, don’t become her adversary. 

If you have a son who is going to ask a girl out on a date, here are some ideas for you:

1- The first thing to understand is that your son learned how to treat women by watching you.  Be sure you model the kind of behavior you want to see out of him.

2- Talk with your son about love vs. physical attraction.  Teenage boys (as you well know) have very strong emotions and are driven by hormones.  Talk to your son about the difference in really caring about the girls well being (genuine concern and caring), versus just pursuing her for physical reasons.  Discuss his motivation for asking this girl out, and that can help him open up to you and give you the opportunity to answer some questions he might have.

3- Help your son keep things in perspective.  The person he dates as a teenager is extremely unlikely to be the person he eventually marries.  Teenagers (for the most part) are not prepared to handle the responsibilites of a mature, true-love relationship.  Even many adults are not prepared either!  Encourage your son to keep things in perspective, and understand that this might not develop into a serious romantic relationship.  Just have fun.

4- Be sure your son meets the girls parents and goes through that process, just like you will demand of any date your daughter brings home.  This also leads into you talking about boundaries with your son.  Talk about sex, drugs, alcohol, and appropriate behavior on a date and in every area of life.  Be sure he is clear regarding what is expected of him, and what behavior and activites you approve of. 

5- Share your own dating experiences with him.  Talk with him about how you did things, and what you learned.  This will be easy if you already have a good relationship and the respect of your son.  That will be gained over the years by your own actions and behavior.

The biggest key is to have communication well established in your family BEFORE your children start dating.  If your kids trust you, and respect you, you (and them) will be just fine.

Personally, I didn’t kiss girls on the first date.  I remember reading a “Dear Abby” book as a teenager, and I liked a lot of what she had to say.  I wanted to be sure to set a good example, and help squash the myth that all teenage boys are little punks only looking for sex.  In her book, Dear Abby said, “Don’t hand kisses out like pretzels.”  To this day I still remember that chapter.  In other words, be a person of depth and character.  Don’t get a repuatation as being “easy.”  Remember what you thought of the people who had that reputation.  Self-control is an invaluable skill in life, and it’s learned by watching you, Dad.

Kids need to learn how to interract with members of the opposite sex, and it starts to kick into gear when dating begins.  Just being around girls and being able to relax and be themselves can be a challenge for a teenage boy.  Don’t let them jump right into the physical part of dating.  Be sure they grow comfortable with themselves enough to respect the other person.  Encourage your children to talk with you about what they experience, and what questions come up.  When your son or daughter starts thinking about how their actions and behavior impacts their date and his/her family, that’s   a sign of maturity.

One of the biggest fears parents have is who their children decide to associate with.  Peers are a big influence on our youths, so be involved.  You, as a Dad, have a responsibility to be involved in your children’s lives.

If you take that seriously, then you AND your children will benefit greatly.