Alone time

One of the hardest things about having children is losing your free time.  As a man, I really liked being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like it.  I would work-out in the morning, go for a bike ride or skiing regularly and on the spur of the moment.  I would go to a store just to look around or play video games for hours.  Reading and doing research is also a favorite thing to do for me.  When our son came along, all that changed.

Besides the lack of regular, quality sleep, losing most of my alone time has been the most difficult part of being a Dad.  My wife and I have friends who must swear that we dropped off the face of the earth.  We used to be social people, having friends over regularly.  That has changed as well.  The baby goes to bed between 7:30 and 8pm, and the rest of the evening time is ours to get things done, or just unwind.  The thought of getting together with friends at that point is exhausting. 

I have found a couple of solutions to my need for alone time.  I think you have basically 3 choices.  1- Get up early.  2- Stay up late.  3- Don’t have kids.  Yep, those are your choices.  Getting up early is difficult as the baby used to get up at 5:30am or so for many months.  Just recently he is getting up around 6:30am.  When you are already sleep deprived, for me getting up early isn’t an option.  Obviously not having kids isn’t an option for me either, so it’s #2….. stay up late. 

I do tend to stay up later than my wife, in order to get precious down-time in.  As Vince Vaughn said in the movie, “The Break Up”,  “Down time is important, down time is important.”  How true.  I am able to do many things with my son as well, being a Dad who works from home as much as at the office.  We are together a lot, which is great.  That’s why we had children in the first place! 

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my family, but it’s quite a shocking change once you have a baby.  In the book “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus” the author talks about how men like to “go into their cave” to solve problems, and just unwind.  Once you have a baby you need to be creative as to how and when you get time to relax. 

Television is great for showing how Mom’s need to be pampered, and I agree that they do.  But Dad’s deserve a little pampering too, in the form of time for themselves.  Guy time.  B-rated shoot ‘em up movies, video games, fishing trips, ski days, etc.  Whatever it is be sure to create time for yourself once in a while.  You will be much easier to be around and your family will benefit from your positive and cheerful attitude. 

The fact is that you won’t get as much time to yourself as you would probably like, but the tradeoff is a family.  You are not single anymore, you are not just a couple anymore…. you are a family.  That feeling and responsibility is wonderful, and will make up for the lost “cave” time you used to have.  Spending time playing with your kids can become just as rewarding as alone time.  Embrace that time.  You will find that eventually you can’t figure out what you used to do before you had kids! 

We are going to have a section in our newsletter with vacation ideas for families.  Fun things to do and places to go to make memories with your family.  Our newsletter will be one of the benefits of joining Dadsworld.  There is no cost, but plenty of benefits!  When we launch the site, on the main www.dadsworld.com page click “register” and follow the instructions.

Now, go cool your jets, shut down the engines and re-charge your batteries.  Rest just long enough to gather strength for the next activity.  Make rest a necessity, not the objective.  Life is meant to be lived, not merely slept through.   

Have a great day!

By the way, in regard to yesterday’s post about the Superbowl.  My prediction is not the same as my preference.  If I had my preference, it would be the Colts and Packers in the Superbowl, as those are two teams I really like.  I just think the Patriots and Cowboys are a little better this year.