2nd Class Parents

I am getting really tired of Dads being treated as second class parents.  Our latest example happened today.  My wife is pregnant with our second child and we went to the doctor last week for the genetic screening.  They gave us most of the results there, but had to wait for the blood test results for a few days, normal stuff.  The office called today and I answered the phone.  Even though we have had a child before, and used the same genetic screening clinic, the same OBGYN, the same everything, and my wife signed a release saying it was okay for the office to talk with me about results the last time we had a child, and signed another form at our OBGYN’s office this time, the clinic that did the testing “couldn’t” talk with me about the results.  They needed to talk with her.  They said she hadn’t signed the consent form with them.  (This time.  Last time apparantly doesn’t count).  I guess it’s a different form than the one she signed with our Obstetrician a couple weeks ago. 

I will tell you that it is extremely insulting to be treated as a non-entity and second class parent by the medical community.  I have been with my wife for over 16 years, married for over 12 years and have missed only 1 of her doctor appointments EVER.  I have never missed one of our childs appointments, we are obviously a very tight and loving family.  I was there at the genetic screening office with her and even spoke at length with the counselor the day we had the test. Yet I still am not allowed to hear the results of the test over the phone. 

They never told us there was an additional consent form my wife needed to sign.  If they had, she would have signed it right then.  The counselor we spoke to the day of the test is not the one who called us back, so I don’t really blame the poor counselor.  It’s a problem with the System!  I guess Dads are guilty until proven innocent! 

I can understand there being a form that the mother could fill out if she wanted privacy and didn’t want her test results disclosed to anyone.  But the automatic procedure, (especially with a married woman who is already a mother and still with the father of their previous children), should be to disclose the results to the Dad too.  That should be the default.  Not the other way around.

I apologize for this rant, but sometimes I get really riled-up by the way Dads are treated.  I am a part of the process EVERY STEP of the way.  I don’t physically give birth to the child, (obviously) but I am right there and keenly involved the whole time.  My wife and I are very close, we share everything and are extremely involved in each others thoughts and feelings.  We are a FAMILY.  Isn’t that how it should be???  Why in the world do we treat families with skepticism and contempt???  It REALLY makes me ANGRY!

If there is a form that needs to be signed by the Mother for the Dad to be able to talk with the doctors about his wife’s test results, then that form had better darn well be presented at the time the couple is there talking with the doctor or counselor!  It is extremely insulting to be talked to like an outsider who has no business to know what’s going on.  I’M THE DAD!!!

I guess I am a little more sensitive to this than some people because I went through a similar situation with the first fertility doctor we went to.  I am writing about that in my book, which I hope to publish this year.  The conclusion I have come to is that the establishment (media, medical community, general opinion) doesn’t seem to really care about Dads and how they feel.  They also don’t seem to think Dads are even necessary to raise kids.  I am here to tell you that the establishment is WRONG.  They need to brush up on the actual statistics of families and how important the Dad is.  I am also here to help change this opinion that it’s okay to treat Dads as second class parents, not really necessary in raising children. 

Mark my words, I am going to make a dent in this horrific and ludicrous philosophy.  Dads are here, we are real, and we are taking care of our families every day.  We will NOT stand to be treated poorly anymore.  With your help, this website will continue to grow and we will help change peoples perception of what a Dad is.  That will lead to a change in policy, and a change in how we are treated.  Tell everyone you know about our website, and help us promote invloved Dads and teach people about just how important the Dad is.  In a family, the mother and father are complimentary.  We need BOTH to effectively raise happy, healthy and self-confident children.  Let’s get the word out, because all of my life I thought it was obvious.  I guess I was wrong.  People need to be told and shown how valuable both roles are.

Tags: baby, dad, doctor, doctors, families, family, father, medical, medicine, mom, mother, tests